human sunrises & a toast to the new

today i found the *perfect* home space to move into in approximately 5 1/2 weeks! very affordable. close to where i am living now. one bedroom. a spacious living room/creative space. yippee! i am imagining myself there & calling this new space home. hooray!

it's been a lovely day in my city today. sunshine, blue & clear skies. tonight i shared delicious food, wine & conversation with my sweet roomie at a charming restaurant. in the cozy, candlelit space we toasted to new beginnings. new living spaces. new relationships. new work. we are dwelling in abundance. i am blessed. endlessly blessed...

my poppa clipped an article from the Sunday, June 10, 2007 edition of the New York Times written by Alan Finder entitled, "Commencement Speeches; With Iraq War as a Backdrop, Speakers Reflect on the Future." he shared it with me, as he knows of my love for Alice Walker's writing & she was included in the article. here is an excerpt from Alice's commencement speech at Naropa University:

"When it is all too much, when the news is so bad meditation itself feels useless, and a single life feels too small a stone to offer on the altar of peace, find a human sunrise. Find those people who are committed to changing our scary reality. Human sunrises are happening all over the earth, at every moment. People gathering, people working to change the intolerable, people coming in their robes and sandals or in their rags and bare feet, and they are singing, or not, and they are chanting, or not. But they are working to bring peace, light, compassion to the infinitely frightening downhill slide of human life."

i love the image of human sunrises. i am surrounded by (in every direction!) human sunrises. who are your human sunrises?

"feeling wondrous and lit up inside"

happy summer solstice!

in the spirit of summer, i am posting some of the exquisite words from "On Hyndford Street" by Van Morrison:

"Take me back, take me way, way, way back
On Hyndford Street
Where you could feel the silence at half past eleven
On long summer nights...
In the quietness as we sank into restful slumber in the silence
And carried on dreaming, in God...
and in between the silence there was conversation
And, laughter, and music and singing, and shivers up the back of the neck...
Early mornings when contemplation was best...
feeling wondrous and lit up inside
With a sense of everlasting life...
Over and over again
And voices echoing late at night over Beechie River
And it's always being now, and it's always being now
It's always now
Can you feel the silence?
On Hyndford Street where you could feel the silence
At half past eleven on long summer nights
As the wireless played Radio Luxemborg
And the voices whispered across Beechie River
And in the quietness we sank into restful slumber in silence
And carried on dreaming in God."

my wish for you/for creation this summer solstice is that you & your dearest ones experience and dwell in (over and over again!):

* silence * conversation * restful slumber * dreaming * laughter * music * singing * shivers up the back of the neck * contemplation * feeling wondrous and lit up inside with a sense of everlasting life * being now * carrying on dreaming in god *

hope

today it is 13 months since my beloved girl, my sister, my babe, my bella died. it has been over 17 months since i saw her alive in her physical body. my beloved girl died while abroad; the last time i saw her was at the airport when i said, "farewell for now & happy adventuring." i didn't anticipate this kind of adventure.

bella (one of my names for my little sis) died suddenly 15 days before she planned to return to the states. it was the longest time i had ever been physically/geographically separated from her, including my time abroad and while i lived in other parts of the country. it has been a wild, miraculous & open-hearted journey these past 13 months. i have been engaging in & honoring this process the way bella lived her life: bravely, boldly, curiously & openly. she is the perfect tour guide for this kind of travel...

one of the gifts i have received is the gift of union, partnership & relationship. it is the gift of no separation. her physical life has ended, yes. our relationship, our sisterhood, our love continues to emerge and evolve in ways that i can hardly articulate/wrap words around. all i know is that we (me & bella and the greater "we") are not separate. our love, our union, our conversation is unfolding and eternal.

and, i miss her like mad. her sweet little body contained so much. wildness. grounded-ness. color. life. wisdom. tenderness. softness. i loved loving her; the way a momma loves her babe.

i sit with all of this tonight. and, this: the gift of friendship; the anticipation of creating a new home space and new work; a commitment to showing up to what is (particularly while living with all of the questions/unknowns about this new home space & new work); and, hope.

tonight i am hope-full. and, you. what are you sitting with? what are you full of?

delights

i know there are a lot of lovers of lists out there. i am a lover of lists, too! today as i shift from the heaviness of recent days, releasing what is no longer necessary or appropriate for me to carry in my heart & mind, i am making room to celebrate my delights:

*a deeply fulfilling first phone date with a new friend & openhearted soulsister, s. i look forward to all of the phone dates that are in our future!
*the perfect gift from this magical & inspiring being! thank you, kelly rae.
*beginning my search for the perfect new home space. i looked at three apartments this afternoon. i did not find my perfect new home space today and it feels good to be picking up the phone & scheduling appointments & viewing the spaces & trusting that i will find the perfect new spot to call home.
*speaking of home...i love the word "home."
*today as i walked (in the rising heat!) from my weekly tuesday morning appointment to my office i thought about days like this 20+ years ago. i remembered the afternoons i spent in our old backyard with my momma & bro and how we would come inside and have a fudgsicle or an orange creamsicle for a snack when we got hot enough. such a sweet memory. [i must admit i also felt a bit of longing to return to a place before all of the losses & deaths & transitions i have experienced, witnessed and birthed. and, yes, it was also a time long before all the grace & joy & beauty & love blossomed & erupted in the cracked-wide-open spaces of my heart.]
*glasses of fresh, cool water.
*looking forward to a dinner & dessert date with tender l. tomorrow evening; a dinner date with my sweet roomie on friday evening; and lunch with m., my radiant friend & momma-to-be, on saturday!
*community.

what are your delights?

lay me down

as i walked to work this morning the song, "Big Strong Girl," by Deb Talan played in my head. these lines specifically:

"It's not now or never.
It's not black, and it's not white.
Anything worth anything takes more than a few days
and a long, long night.

Don't push so hard against the world, no, no.
You can't do it all alone, and if you could
would you really want to?
Even though you're a big strong girl
come on, come on, lay it down..."

oh dear, i do need to lay it down. now it is night and i need to lay all of me down. i am on my way...

i am reminded of the prayer i used to pray each night before sleep when i was a wee one:

"Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take.
God bless mommy, daddy...
all my aunts and uncles, cousins, friends and relatives
and all of those in need of prayer."

for all of you "big strong" girls and boys, i wish you peace-full rest and the sweetest dreams.

good night, tender souls.

walk your path

this morning while completing my morning practice i heard these words: "walk your path." the message was: "you, yes, you! go forth! create! walk! walk your path. not somebody else's path. not somebody else's idea of your path. your path. your path."

perhaps this is to be my newest mantra or affirmation: "i am walking my path."

i have a path. i know this. and, sometimes i forget or i lose my way. these days my work, my calling is: reclaiming the ground of my heart. i am cultivating the seeds. i am weeding. i am planting new seeds. i am getting grounded & rooted. i am getting my hands dirty.

others are welcome & invited. yes, indeed! you, who are active & responsible participants in your reclaiming, cultivating, planting, grounding, rooting, healing & whole-making process. yes, please, please, join me!

on thursday morning, after returning home from the river, i unearthed some words (folded and tucked away in a book). nine years ago a divine woman wrote these words on a piece of light purple paper and gave them to me. this piece of paper has returned to my altar and i read these words every day:

GIFT
I have to trust what was given to me
if I am to trust anything...
I have to hold it up in my hands as my ribs hold up my heart
I have to let it open its wings and fly among the gifts of the unknown
again in the mountain I have to turn
to the morning

I must be led by what was given to me
as streams are led by it
and braiding flights of birds
the gropings of veins the learning of plants
the thankful days
breath by breath...
out of chaos
come and be given
-W.S. Merwin

a word has been floating around in my space for days now: guided. i feel guided.

if you were to chose one word that expresses exactly how you are feeling as you make your way on your path/journey, what would this one word be?

blessings to you & yours.

returning to Eve

this is where i have been in recent days while gathering with 90+ devoted souls, who are my classmates & teachers: "returning, returning, returning to the mother of us all..." these words are from Jennifer Berezan's beautiful, beautiful CD entitled, ReTURNING.

we gathered together by the river. we sat and stood on rocks and grass, in circles and in a collective sanctuary. we sang. we danced. we celebrated. we listened. we held each other in love and light. we named and honored our ancestors. we meditated. we ate. we worshiped the earth, god, goddess, creator, energy, love, source, light (whatever name(s) one chooses to call "the divine").

i received my spiritual name yesterday morning while our class gathered for our final hours together in shared physical space (at least, for now). i heard it while sitting (in what felt like a womb) in between gentle J. and humble M. in the room where we (the 90+ of us) had already spent so many delicious hours. i had wanted to hear my name the night prior when i was guided in a meditation to listen for my spiritual name. i didn't hear it then. i trusted that my spiritual name would emerge in its own time. i was able to let go of my attachment to wanting to know now with relative ease.

then i heard it. i hadn't been thinking about it and there it was: Eve. clear. and, still i wondered, "is that it? really?!" i couldn't believe i had actually heard it! looking back, it felt (and, still feels) like i'd won the lottery. hearing it seemed as unlikely as winning the lottery (especially for one who doesn't buy lottery tickets!). nevertheless, i continued to ask the divine for my spiritual name.

i am learning this: even though sometimes i wonder if my prayers, meditations, affirmations and requests to the universe are heard, received and working--i do it anyway. i ask anyway. all i need to do is show up. show up with my tiny offerings and bold & humble requests. show up and plant my two feet on the yoga mat. show up and sit down on the pillow. show up and pray what's in my heart.

today as i create space to integrate the blessings of the past days i did some exploring about the name Eve. Eve: life giving; living; the name of the first woman; life; lively; the mother of all that lives; mother of all creation; the first link to the divine feminine in human form; she shares with all manifested beings their fate, while she guides them through life, death and birth; it is her role as mother that is put forward in this name.

yes, my spiritual name makes perfect sense. it makes sense in relationship to my journey up to this point and in my particular journey this year and in recent days. this week i continuously encountered and engaged with representations of "mother." primarily: Mother Earth; Mary (mother of Jesus); mothers of children; and, knowing myself, without question, as mother (even though i have not physically given birth to a child).

beginning

i am here. creating a space to document & share the journey of one devoted soul sister & connect with other divine & magical beings. i come with these intentions: to cultivate and express that which is asking to be born in & through me *and* to be inspired & inspire.

i greet you, dear reader. welcome! come in! join me for a mug of tea or a glass of wine. [if you prefer to drink your "glass of wine" in a mug (like my dear friends, s. & a.) you are welcome to do that, too!] have a seat at the table. stay a while.