EVErything Is A Miracle

There are two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.
-Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

my beloved, bright & burn-ing (with love & light) spiritual director shared these words with me this morning during our monthly appointment. i am, indeed, living my life as though everything is a miracle.

i am thanking the universe endlessly for the gift of my life and living...i delight in living a life full of color, play, awe & gentle-ness. my sense of (the face of & the texture of) the divine/god/universe/spirit is expanding...oUtraGeoUslY!

i am enjoying sharing & cultivating a relationship with spirit that includes MAGniFYING the adventurous-Ness, the wild-nEss & the light-neSS. this is one of the grace-full gifts of my journey in living with bella's physical death. this journey resembles/mirrors the manner in which bella lived her life. i communicated in bella's eulogy: "The earth was always [bella's] jungle gym and she is a most gracious and satisfied playmate. Her belly is full. Her hands and feet were meant to climb fearlessly and wildly all over the earth. Her eyes and mind were meant to behold and contemplate the earth with wisdom and compassion. Her spirit was meant to connect with the earth and all its inhabitants with open-ness, generosity and pure joy."

in this moment, if you asked me/if i asked myself: "what tune are you?" i would respond, "i am the tune of breath. not just my breath. i am the tune of the greater breath, the connective breath of the universe."

catching glimpses/catching miracles...

*looking out my bedroom window and seeing a cat on the windowsill of a nearby house in the early wednesday morning hours; this is something i have never seen before in the 2 + years i've been living in this space. and, tonight, while sitting outside eating dinner with my momma & bro after moving loads of stuff into my new space my bro noticed a cat sitting on the windowsill of an apt. across the street from my new home!

*on wednesday morning while running an errand before work i noticed a woman at a flower vendor on 17th street wearing a straw hat with a pink ribbon tied around it. seeing her & her hat touched & tickled me! she (the proprietor, perhaps?) was holding lilium/oriental hybrid lillies in her hands. she was clipping them and placing them in a bucket of water. the meaning of the lilium/oriental hybrid lily is: "Majesty, Sweetness, Female, Flirting."

*in the wee small hours of this morning (on my way to my spiritual direction appt.), i noticed a penny on the ground, just a couple o' blocks from my home, my starting point. when my bro, momma and i went to see a psychic medium earlier this year (about our beloved bella) she told us that bella leaves pennies for us and to look out for the pennies. since that time i receive & understand the (abundance of) pennies sprinkled along my path as gifts from bella & loving affirmations that i am living in alignment & i am in the perfect place. to discover a penny at the start of this particular morning (the day i began the process of moving out of my little blue house, where i experienced so much in 2+ years, and into my new home space) was deliciously delight-full! i immediately exclaimed (to bella), "you ROCK!"

what glimpses/miracles are you catching? what glimpses/miracles are catching you?

tagged!

the darling kelly rae tagged me & i am playing! the Rules:

1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged write their own blog post about their eight things and include these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged and they should read your blog.

8 things:

1. i was/won Queen of the Playground (not so much for my charm...ha-ha-ha...mostly for my athletic abilities/tomboy tendencies!) in the early 80s at my hometown summer program. i received a trophy on which the words were written, "Queen of the Playground". sadly, i don't know where this trophy is.
2. i was a cheerleader for the local "midget" football team when i was middle school age...seriously, that's what the pre-high school teams were called in our town (and, perhaps other towns?)!
   
3. i didn't go to middle school. i went to a local catholic school from grades 1 - 8...
4. my first grade teacher, Sister Marie, died during the summer after i finished first grade & before i started second grade. i remember standing beside my momma when she rec'd this call (that Sister Marie died) & i remember her telling me. Sister Marie gave us little rolls of Life Savers (the 5 color kind) every friday, even when she was in the hospital during the end of my first grade year.
5. i am a morning person.
   
6. i love jelly beans & polka dots & avocado & pumpkin pie & twinkle lights & hardwood floors & mail (sending & receiving) & the memory of playing Old Maid and eating raisin toast with my maternal grandmother and bro on saturday mornings when i was little.
   
7. i am surprised & delighted by how much i love living in the city! i've been living in the city for over 2 years. i treasure walking to work, the grocery store, yoga & to catch the train to nyc and the train to my parents' home.
8. (my) life is full of magic & miracles. i am learning to trust this more & more & more deeply...one of the latest miracles was finding the perfect new home space approximately 21 hours after i let go of a home space (last friday) that i was planning to move into this thursday! [i let it go b/c it didn't feel right...my being/center was not aligned & the universe was not in agreement.] i kept an open heart & mind. i chatted with my friends t, sw & m. i called on my sister, my bella, for support. i received the message, "you are not alone." i made myself available for "something unexpectedly good happening" (a favorite quote from a book i read during my first year of seminary). i move into my perfect new home space in two days. yippee!

i tag:

1. frida
2. jen lemen
3. andrea
4. katherine
5. leonie
6. jen gray
7. mccabe
8. susannah

how are you?

what if, instead of asking one another, "how are you?" or "how are you today (or, in this moment)?" or "how is your heart?", we asked:

*what color are you?
*what tune are you?
*what shape are you?
*what image are you?
*what noun are you?
*what verb are you?
*what adjective are you?
*what animal are you?
*what superpower are you?
*what season are you?
*what food are you?

what other questions would you ask?

here are my responses (in this moment):

*what color are you? ReD
*what tune are you? "Please Forgive Me" by David Gray
*what shape are you? a CirCle
*what image are you? buBBles fLoaTiNg around in the SunShine, under the brIGHT blUe sKy
*what noun are you? eARth
*what verb are you? enGaGed
*what adjective are you? cUrioUs
*what animal are you? liON (RoaR!)
*what superpower are you? liGHt
*what season are you? suMMer
*what food are you? bLuebeRRy

what are your responses?

where i've been...

hello, dear lovelies!

i haven't felt called to this space for quite some time. it's not that i didn't want to come here. it's just not where the universe was inviting me to spend time...tonight, i am invited here & i am grateful.

i've been spending my time:

*having (or, perhaps more accurately, "continuing to have") doggie dreams. i dream of a doggie companion. i love thinking of names for this doggie dear. names like: luna, abe, red, dazzle, walt, izzy, rosie & halo. what are the names of your doggie dears and/or the doggie dears you dream of?
*renting Netflix delights. here's a treat that i invite you to check out: Mrs. Palfrey at The Claremont, a charming movie about friendship.
*reading Fabulous Friendship Festival by the radiant & true SARK!
*enjoying visits from special friends from california. friends who are family. while visiting together we shared yummy food & chocolate & walks & conversation (each night into the late hours) & sunshine & slumber parties & laughter & more laughter & stillness & silence & our visions for the future & the current landscape of our hearts & what it feels like to be mommas & daughters & sisters. who are your "friends who are family"?
*listening live to the music of a gentle & miraculous being, with whom i have the privilege of enjoying friendship & a weekly tea date. yippee!
*being what i name, "swirly twirly." my soulsister, kl, sent me an e-mail with these magical words (a new & empowering & affirming way to relate to my experience): "Swirly Twirly...Like a beautiful fairy princess riding the wind." i do love fairies!
*practicing ahimsa (non-violence). i intend to write more about this in another post...

yes, yes! i am on the edge of something & receiving many invitations from the universe to play along. one of these somethings is (today) letting go of the space that i intended to move into in 8 days! it's not the perfect space for me, i know. i feel at peace & relieved that i know this now for sure & i can move on (and, i will be getting my deposit back!). there are so many lessons in the upsets & abrupt shifts.

now, i am creating options and a new & perfect home space. and, learning to ride the waves grace-fully.

and, you? where have you been?

an update: now i know their names...

all of their names. the name of the beloved girl who died. her parents' names. her siblings names. B's parents names. i know where she went to college and what she was studying. i know that she was known for her smile and laugh. i saw her picture. gorgeous. bright being.

in my post the other day i wrote that she died in Tanzania. it was not Tanzania; it was Botswana.

i don't even know their names...

yesterday while gathering at a celebration i met the mother of a boy, B, who knew my sister. my sister and B had done a program together in high school; they traveled to Europe. B's mother had been talking to my momma & poppa before i entered the kitchen & conversation. she had said to my momma, "you look familiar..." when my momma said, "i am..." B's mother said, "my [B] knew your [daughter]...we were so sorry to hear about [her] death..."

this intersection. the never ending connections. god, we are so not alone.

i asked this tender soul of a mother what B was doing these days. one of the things i learned was that he had been in South Africa this past academic year (for a semester or year, i don't know?) and had plans to return. i think B is a year younger than my little sis and has one more year of college left...

less than 30 minutes later, B's parents, who had made their way to the backyard/pool area, came rushing towards the house. B's father was on his cell phone; B's mother alongside of him, pressed against him. i stood on the back porch watching. in an instant, B's mother was standing in front of me. she grabbed my arm (desperately holding on) and looked directly into my eyes. she said, "B's girlfriend was just killed in Tanzania. B just found out and we are on the phone with him right now."

[i later heard that B's girlfriend was killed in a car accident.]

all i could say (for minutes) were the words that i spoke over 13 months ago when i received confirmation that my sister, my bella, died suddenly (she became sick & died within hours) in Africa: "oh my god." 13 + months ago i dropped the cell phone on the chair without hanging it up and i walked around in circles in my parents living room with my palms pressed against my head and all i could say was, "oh my god. oh my god. oh my god."

still i can hardly believe that i was a witness to, a part of all of this. last night before sleep i wondered, "did that really happen?" is this really happening?

i am thinking about how deeply connected we all are. how un-separate we are. how connected life and death are. how continuous it all is. and, i am remembering. how swiftly & recklessly & certainly life can change.

i don't even know all of their names. i only know B's name. i don't know his girlfriend's name. i don't know his parents' names. and, it doesn't seem to matter. all that matters is that i honor our connection. this intersection. that i am holding all of these beloved people in my heart.

tonight, as i practiced yoga and the energy moved i cried and i cried and i cried for all of us. for our families and communities. for how radical life can sometimes be. how disorienting. for how human we all are. and, as i prepared to complete my practice i dedicated my practice to B, to the one whose name i did know, and to his heart.

blessed be.