morsels

*today i am remembering how i felt during my visit with c & her dear ones in portland, maine. i remember not as a way to hold on or attach myself to some other moment or time; i remember as a way, simply & powerfully, to honor the essence of my being: open-hearted, peace-full, calm, grounded, delighted, grateful, mindful & in awe. what is the essence of your being?
*this evening after a satisfying day at work i came home and made some delicious pumpkin muffins. i love pumpkin & i am happy, happy that it is pumpkin season! my little nest & my heart are warm from the oven and infused with the scent of pumpkin. what scent would you like your home & heart spaces to be infused with?
*this afternoon while looking at a photo of a newborn girl (my godmother's newest grandchild...especially delightful as she is the mother of all boys and until yesterday was the grandmother of all boys!), i felt an ache. i hadn't felt this particular ache before. sometimes (sometimes the "sometimes" is "often") when i encounter children (from newborns to teens) and young adults, i am reminded of bella. while looking at this babe, my heart ached and longed and remembered. i remembered bella's human body at the beginning & in the same moment i remembered bella's human body at the end & i remembered everything in between. all in a moment.
*exploring this site. hearing & feeling the call to cleanse and detox.
*cleaning my desk & office space. de-cluttering.
*this great quote sent to me by my beloved friend, k:
"My beloved child, break your heart no longer.
Each time you judge yourself, you break your own heart.
You stop feeding on the love which is the wellspring of your vitality.
The time has come. Your time. To celebrate. And to see the goodness that you are.
You my child, are divine. You are pure. You are sublimely free.
You are God in disguise. And you are always perfectly safe.
Do not fight the dark. Just turn on the light.
Let go, And breathe into the goodness that you are."
-Swami Kripalvanandji (Bapuji)
*dancing to this song this a.m. i have been profoundly inspired by Kris Carr, who dances to at least one song per day. this is now an integral part of my daily routine! what are your favorite songs to dance to?
*receiving this poem via "Letters from an Open Heart 10-17-07" at the perfect, perfect time:

Long Afternoon at the Edge of Sister Pond
by Mary Oliver

As for life,
I'm humbled,
I'm without words
sufficient to say

how it has been hard as flint,
and soft as a spring pond,
both of these
and over and over,

and long pale afternoons besides,
and so many mysteries
beautiful as eggs in a nest,
still unhatched

though warm and watched over
by something I have never seen -
a tree angel, perhaps,
or a ghost of holiness.

Every day I walk out into the world
to be dazzled, then to be reflective.
It suffices, it is all comfort -
along with human love,

dog love, water love, little-serpent love,
sunburst love, or love for that smallest of birds
flying among the scarlet flowers.
There is hardly time to think about

stopping, and lying down at last
to the long afterlife, to the tenderness
yet to come, when
time will brim over the singular pond, and become forever,

and we will pretend to melt away into the leaves.
As for death
I can't wait to be the hummingbird,
can you?

what are your morsels?

nourishment

i returned from a scrump-didly-umptious visit to portland, maine a few hours ago. i was visiting with one of my soulsisters, c, and some of the dynamite people in her life--her partner, a doggie dear, a magical soulfriend and a couple of her colleagues from work.

it was sacred time. time filled with this kind of merriment: good morning & goodnight hugs; enthusiastic welcomes from the creatures (animal & human) in c's life; yummy pizza; cups & cups & cups more of tea; a trip to the farmer's market on saturday morning; a women's hike on saturday late morning/early afternoon; sitting outside in the sunshine enjoying sunday morning breakfast--sharing/unrolling a cinnamon roll with three other beloved people, sipping hot cocoa & nibbling on a tasty bagel sandwich; changing leaves; crisp air; smoothies; gazpacho; sunday afternoon hours in the kitchen preparing (slowly, lovingly & communally) an apple custard pie; hot cocoa made by c's partner; walks on the beach; heart-opening & heart-widening & inspiring & centering conversations; rest-full nights of sleep; a saturday afternoon lunch which included a vanilla nutmeg milkshake & sweet potato fries; stars; a sliver of the moon; a movie; receiving the gift of guan yin; a sunday evening walk in downtown portland; music; and, fresh & non-toxic air.

i am oozing, oozing, oozing with gratitude & inspiration!

inspired

*by Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love. she was Oprah's guest on friday's show. here are some juicy tidbits (offered by Elizabeth) that i am currently contemplating: being the hero in my own life; does my life resemble me?; silence is the only true religion; "i don't know" is a legitimate answer; i am the master of me; being in the palm of god; this meditation: sit and smile (even in my liver); what do i really, really, really want? (really 3x!); what is the happiest moment of my day?; and, refining my mantra.

*by Kris Carr. her life force--her activism, laughter and playfulness--is outrageously contagious! she is a warrior goddess. on monday night i watched this documentary: Crazy Sexy Cancer. here's a description from the website: "Crazy Sexy Cancer is an irreverent and uplifting documentary about a young woman looking for a cure and finding a life. In 2003, 31-year-old actress/photographer Kris Carr was diagnosed with a rare and incurable cancer. Weeks later she began filming her story. Taking a seemingly tragic situation and turning it into a creative expression, Kris shares her inspirational story of survival with courage, strength, and lots of humor." i dig this chick. Kris' words (from her blog) are electrifying, "Change your focus. It's all about mental management..." and, these words, "If I spend my precious days in anger and outrage I'll miss the good stuff, the cake, cartwheels and the sunshine." so, what's your cake, cartwheels and sunshine?

*by my dynamite, red-headed friend, a. a.'s current "cake, cartwheels and sunshine" is the circus! yes, the circus. a. is a physical education teacher in alexandria, virginia and she is creating a circus at her school this year! here's what she (enthusiastically!) says about this: "Many of our students come from countries all over the world and they don't necessarily speak English. What they all can share is the language of circus-juggling, building human pyramids, tumbling, balancing on balance boards, working together as a troupe, and being engaged in physical activities that promote healthy lifestyles. But what would a youth circus look like without a gaggle of unicyclists riding around?" if you are interested & inspired by the language of circus, consider making a donation to cover the cost of two unicycles for the youth circus. a. has a posting on www.DonorsChoose.org entitled, "Look Ma, No Hands: Unicycles teach more than you think!"

listening & remembering the beat

"'...and what does it mean,'
I asked, 'to follow your heart?'
She laughed and beat on her drum.
'So you want my secret recipe?'
she said. I said yes.
'To follow your heart is as
simple as closing your eyes
and listening to the rhythm
of your soul song.
Once you find the beat
you will always walk in tune...'"

-from the Persistence of Yellow by Monique Duval

in bud

"So much is unfolding that must
complete its gesture,
so much is in bud."

-Denise Levertov, from "Mass for the Day of St. Thomas Didymus" in Candles in Babylon (New Directions Publishing).

i discovered these words today via Annie O'Shaughnessy's bi-weekly e-newsletter.

phone call

on monday afternoon my cell phone rang. i didn't recognize the number and i answered with a questioning "hello." then i heard a little voice, i couldn't tell if it was the voice of a boy or a girl; s/he said to me/asked me (reaching through the phone for me), "mommy?"

i explained softly that s/he had dialed the wrong number. s/he had already hung up.

i hung up and i thought (tear-fully & truth-fully), "one day, yes, yes, i want to answer the phone and hear the sweet voice of a child reaching for me, asking for me, 'mommy?' and, i will say, 'yes. yes, my darling, it's mommy.'"