a saturday list

on the menu: (for tomorrow's home & love*made brunch...) spinach & mushroom omelets, yam "fries", pumpkin muffins, mugs o' tea & a double serving of catchin' up conversation.
prayer: (appropriate for these times, i think...) "We are aware that all generations of our ancestors and all future generations are present in us. / We are aware of the expectations that our ancestors, our children, and their children have of us. / We are aware that our joy, peace, freedom, and harmony are the joy, peace, freedom, and harmony of our ancestors, our children, and their children. / We are aware that understanding is the very foundation of love. / We are aware that blaming and arguing never help us and only create a wider gap between us, that only understanding, trust, and love can help us change and grow." -Thich Nhat Hanh
color: gray. the color of this day i am embracing.
enjoying: the unfolding of my saturday. waking without an alarm. a cup o' yogi tea (thai sweet delight) with this bit o' wisdom dangling from the end of the tea bag: "Grace brings contentment." healing minutes on the phone with a soul*sister. scrumptious sushi lunch with a dear friend...full of heart*full, rich conversation & appreciation for one another. being at home for the evening/night.
definition: grace (noun). 1. Seemingly effortless beauty or charm of movement, form, or proportion. 2. A characteristic or quality pleasing for its charm or refinement. 3. A sense of fitness or propriety. 4a. A disposition to be generous or helpful; goodwill. b. Mercy; clemency. 5. A favor rendered by one who need not do so; indulgence. 6. A temporary immunity or exemption; a reprieve. [definition found here.]
releasing: "have to" and "must".
welcoming: grace.
tunes: Ella Fitzgerald. the perfect voice for today.
remembering: an extra*special, extra*long re*connecting weekend celebration/love*fest in maine a couple o' weeks ago. gathering around tables of five or more at meal*times. making a feast o' home & love*made pumpkin pie & stir*fry. toasting to life & love. walking through a fairy village. seeing a great blue heron. drivin' & drivin' & drivin'. salad & pizza. a hot tuna sandwich. sunday morning bagels, fresh from the bakery, on the beach. days without television or radio. taking photos.
seeing: (from my 5th floor windows) the tops of orange*red & yellow*green trees.
feeling: a bit shy & quiet & soft lately. also feeling a bit anxious, stressed & overwhelmed in the last day +.

what's on your saturday list?

a poem in response to "words"

i was moved and i accepted Susan's invitation, creating this poem:

see my tender grief break
here
in a red and yellow
autumn house

let hope rise after waiting

wake early
gently
to wind music
singing the ancient hymn

taste sweet joy
hungry, aflame heart
meet warm love
cold sky darkness

there is enough

fly light
flow like liquid blue
journey with open arms
go empty

open october 24 Friday Fill-Ins

today's :

1. Right now, I'm feeling peace*full and thank*full.
2. spending time in ireland is where I want to be (when the time is right).
3. How does one practice presence?
4. being in relationship with and living in alignment with source/spirit/creation keeps me on track.
5. Please don't forget that you are power*full and beauty*full.
6. this post fills me with joy.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to a quiet, creative night, tomorrow my plans include sushi lunch with a friend (it's been too long since our last visit!) and Sunday, I want to celebrate preparing and sharing brunch at my home with a friend!

sunday's collection & offering

*holding in my heart: boho baby* and the beings who are lovin' him into birth, who are waiting to greet & embrace him!

*on my mind: The Secret Life of Bees. i went to see this movie on friday night and it continues to flow through and breathe in me. a movie about women/woman*hood, mother*hood, sisters/sister*hood, sensitive souls (makes me think of this post by Dancing Mermaid), wounded souls, hope, healing, the Black Madonna, a wailing wall, bee keeping, justice and love. i am honoring and experiencing this movie as its own magnificent creation (i.e., experiencing it without comparing it to the book, which is one of my favorite books of all*time).

*completed: my autumn cleaning in my little nest. this process took weeks and involved rearranging some things in my nest (e.g., creating a new space for my bike and finding the just right spot for a much needed new lamp); putting together two big bags o' goodies for goodwill; purchasing a new green table for my creation/art nook; tucking away spring/summer clothing and pulling out autumn/winter wares (e.g., clothing, pumpkin candles, scarves and a new/birthday-gift-from-my-momma comforter); and, creating an autumn altar made of treasures from my recent journey to maine.

*saw and heard (while sipping a glass of red wine): Gillian Grassie (for the first time!) and my soul*sister, t., perform last night. play*fully divine!

*tasting: a home*made movie mix o' 1/8 - 1/4 cup of semi-sweet chocolate chips; walnuts; raisins; and jelly beans.

*wearing: bella's t-shirts. sandals earlier in the week and a fleece jacket later in the week.

*navigating questions like these: what do i need? what do i stand on, lean on/towards, look in the direction of, when i am feeling sad, off balance, scattered, stressed and/or overwhelmed? and, other questions, like those jen lemen speaks of in her post, "The Ache and Other Thoughts on Finding True North". what makes me ache? what's really alive in me? what's truly stirring my soul?

*learning: how to partner with me and to honor where i am and who i am in this moment. i have been single most of my life and by most i mean over 90% of my life up to this point. i am single now. and, i desire committed partnership/life partnership. experiencing, creating, building and celebrating life, home and community with a partner. i know that this is an essential piece/part of my expression as a human being/creation in the world. i trust that even in my single*hood that this desire is being taken care of, held, honored and created. i know that i am an active participant in the creation of partnership right now, in this moment. i know that being here in this place in my journey is where my real work (the soul*making work) is, it is what is called for right now and it is also where i find rich*ness and cause for celebration...no, i do not always remember this true wisdom. sometimes i am so sad about coming home to a space empty of physical beings (my home space is rich with spirit beings and sometimes i forget this, too!). yes, there are days when i don't experience touch, not even the slightest touch from another physical being...to write that last sentence, to speak this truth, is liberating. to say this is how it is for me. this, i am learning, is part of the honoring. to say exactly how it is for me. to honor the rich*ness and celebration and to know and name what is pain*full, so pain*full, at times...i am learning that full*fillment, value, worthy*ness, love and partner*ship are here now. this life o' mine looks like this (being single) right now just as others' lives look like being in committed partnership. my life is not less, i am not less (or broken). and, there is nothing wrong with me...i am being invited, guided, to treat myself as i would treat my partner and as my partner would treat me. for me, this means greeting me and embracing me at my own front door, asking me what i would like to eat/prepare for breakfast/lunch/dinner, asking me what would make my heart sing today and asking me what i need today/in this moment.

*this weekend: early to bed on friday night post-movie. a full saturday of autumn cleansing, errands, pizza and green salad dinner with momma and poppa pre-performance (see above "saw and heard"). sun*shine. being at home. crisp air. walking/climbing many flights of stairs (the elevator is being fixed in my apartment building; my nest is on the 5th floor). Sacred Life Sunday (see below).

*: waking naturally at 7:15 a.m. and tackling those loads of laundry (more than usual). writing (a truly grounding/re*centering practice for me). whole wheat pancakes with a bit o' syrup and a few red raspberries on the side for brunch at home. a soul*deep & reconnecting conversation with my soul*sister, d. a mid-afternoon walk in the sun*shine, under the blue sky. an early evening (great!) movie at home: The Visitor.

and, you? what are you collecting? anything to offer?

fabulous Friday Fill-Ins

today's :

1. Follow the beat of your heart, the rhythm of your passion & the light of your bliss.
2. the intention to rest/renew/refresh is something I always take with me on vacation.
3. To achieve your goals, you must live in alignment with the truth*fullness of your creation.
4. that i believe all of creation is essentially good is something I'd like you to know about me.
5. I have a vision of the future: partner*ship, mother*hood & art*making.
6. a freshly fallen leaf floats.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to going to the movies & watching The Secret Life of Bees (and, maybe munching on popcorn!), tomorrow my plans include yoga class, a trip to Ikea, pizza dinner with my parents & going to see my talented friend, t., perform/sing and Sunday, I want to rest, ground, converse with a friend on the phone & simply enjoy the day!

thursday night thoughts

this piece of today's post is inspired by e.soule.

what i like (brings tears to my eyes):


what i've been doing: being quiet. re*grounding at home, in my city, after time(s) away in recent weeks.

where i've been/going: (where i've been...) north for an autumn adventure with beauty*full beings, soul*sisters, members of my tribe, family. (where i'm going...) to see The Secret Life of Bees.

what i've been thinking: in death there is life and birth: boldly blossoming. in death there is hope: wild and true. love reigns.

and, this piece of today's post is inspired by this JOY + RIDE.

on the nightstand (thank you, s.!)...


am loving...the "Pamela's Chocolate Chip Cookies" recipe on the package of All Natural Pamela's Products Wheat-Free & Gluten-Free Baking & Pancake Mix. i made this recipe for the first time last night. scrumptious!

what inspires me about this fall? journeys north and south to be with beloveds. cups of tea; exta*especially enjoyed in the presence of beloveds. honoring/celebrating autumn with these creative bloggie wonders: 3191; A Beautiful Mess; Be...Dream...Play...; port2port press; my topography; Nectar & Light; the habit of being; abby try again...

what are three constants in my day?
1. a morning yoga/prayer practice
2. walking (to work, home for lunch, to the store, to the post office, to the train, to yoga class, up and down the stairs in my apartment building...)
3. bella's presence

tuesday treasures

*this evening a man selling t-shirts at the corner of a major intersection in my city gave me a shout out as i put on my sunglasses: "you look like a million bucks!" i wasn't feelin' like a million bucks pre-shout out and then i was. i smiled and i was feelin' like a million bucks +.

*shortly after my "million bucks" encounter, i saw this sign, "God [who i understand to be God/Spirit/Energy/Source/Wisdom/Goddess/and more] is my pilot." amen. alleluia.

*"Where Are You Going" by Dave Matthews Band. have a listen here.

*this celebration: Day of the Dead. and, thinking about celebrating it in this way:read more here and here.

what are your tuesday treasures (or grat*nours)?

heavenly days

Boho Girl introduced me to the song "Heavenly Day" by Patty Griffin via this post. i needed to share this song with you. enjoy this:



i am blessed to be a part of creating & participating in an abundance of heavenly days in this love*full life. my days this weekend with my beloved friends, s & a, were heavenly days...

tonight as i sat down to eat a big yellow mug full of leftover (from the weekend at the lake) lentil soup i said this prayer of thanks, one of today's grat*nours:

Now may every living thing, young or old, weak or strong, living near or far, known or unknown, living or departed or yet unborn, may every living thing be full of bliss.
-The Buddha

may you be full of bliss...heavenly days & dreamy nights.

sit with me: Sacred Life Sunday

sitting & sitting with / being & being with were the rich threads woven throughout this weekend as i spent time at the lake, away from my city, with two beloveds from another city.

tonight i am filled up with these gratitudes & nourishments & more: fresh air (after eating sunday breakfast at the picnic table in the sunshine & saturday's walk around the lake & apple orchard); soul*nourishing food & drink (e.g., two bowls of homemade lentil soup, a stack of whole grain pancakes, hot cups of tea & glasses of red wine); John Denver's Greatest Hits (one of my all time favorites!); hope (after sharing my thoughts on business*building, home*buying, partner*ship & mother*hood); deep rest (after a nearly 10 hour sleep in our cabin by the lake on saturday night); and, love (for my two beloveds who listen, who see me & offer their wisdom & humor).

what are you filled up with tonight?

my /my worship today included: washing dishes with care & taking a six mile morning walk with one of my beloveds, this generous one who i've known for 19 years.

tonight i offer you these treats:
*this recipe for "hippie cookies" discovered here.
*a little bit o' John Denver:


*this wish: a night full of warmth and light...

part Friday Fill-In, part gem's friday fill-in

numbers 1, 3, 5, 6 and 7 are from ; 2 and 4 are my creations.

1. October is a time for opening.
2. fridays feel festive!
3. Leaves are falling all around, it's a sweet and magical time.
4. it's the 3rd of october and here are three gratitudes & nourishments. one, the space for a 15 minute phone conversation with my darling friend, d., late thursday afternoon. feeling deeply connected to a soul*sister. so grateful. two, my weekly tea date with t. on thursday. on my plate: a tasty (melted in my mouth) lemon poppyseed scone. in my cup: hot creme caramel tea. in my heart: t.'s words to me. she said that recently she's been noticing a "blossoming (in me)...something transforming in my space..." even as i deal with what i'm dealing with. she said she hears it in my voice and she sees it in my face and eyes. her words to and for me resonate completely. three, having these hours just for me before i make the journey to be with beloveds this weekend.
5. playing girl's tennis in high school (during the late summer/fall season) = good memories.
6. It was a dark and stormy night after a string of dark and stormy nights and i was home, nestled safely in my bed, dreaming of the birth of a blue*sky, sun*bright morning.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to journeying to the lake, tomorrow my plans include resting, reconnecting with two soul*sisters, sharing nourishing meals and breathing in the fresh, crisp air and Sunday, I want to give thanks for the abundance, for the harvest.

7 discoveries & 7 more

7 recent bloggie*world discoveries:

1. i heart this post at {the penny has dropped}. the title is near and dear to me: "{soul sister}". you must read it here. i thought of my dear friend, d., when i read this. she and i have become sweetly close in recent months/the past year. indeed, a grat*nour.

2. i referred to this site in a recent post and i am in*spired to say a bit more about 3191 a year of evenings. this site contains an evening image from one beauty in portland, maine and another evening image from a beauty in portland, oregon. read more here about the release of their book A Year of Mornings / 3191 Miles Apart. i heart this idea.

3. i am lovin' this site: A Beautiful Mess. i am wantin' this Autumn Loves Craft Kit.

4. ilka's attic. gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous. her study in red post is enchanting.

5. Be...Dream...Play... continues to speak to me.

6. i am touched by this post by Stacy...in particular, the words about beginning imperfectly.

7. the grand finale: i love, love, loved this post entitled Seven Sensational Things To Do When You're Not Feeling So Super by jen lemen over here.

that 7th bloggie*world discovery inspired me to write my own list o' 7.

here is a list o' 7 things/options that support me when i need supportin' (i.e., when i'm in a yucky*mucky head/mind space):

1. pause. stay paused. for as long as it takes. sometimes this looks like coming to a screeching halt and re*grouping/re*grounding and then takin' that next step.

2. lie down, if necessary. and, do nothing else but lie down. do not turn on the television or grab a book or magazine. just lie down.

3. find my breath. breathe. deeply. find my center. feel my center.

4. dance it out. Kris Carr taught me this.

5. be mind*full of when how i'm "feeling" is running the show. in particular, when i'm in a dis*empowering, life*defeating "i don't feel like it" space. allow for it and make room for other options.

6. move. literally change my landscape. go outside. go into the office. go to the coffeeshop. notice shift happening.

7. practice, practice, practice presence. i find this practice sometimes more appropriately named: the practice of delaying instant gratification. rather than going for the easy thing/distraction (e.g., food, television) i do the hardEST thing ever and taste and tune into what is right here, right now.

do you have any 7's to share?

100 heart*full things

it's my 100th post! in celebration i have created a list of 100 heart*full things. about me things, joy*full things, adventurous things, hope*full things...

please note: all definitions of words "i heart" (e.g., see number 30) came from here.

1. i must create. it burns in and through me. it is the one thing i must do. create, create, create.
2. i am hope*full. eternally hope*full.
3. i am grate*full. generally, grate*full and grate*full to be hope*full.
   
4. i create in a variety of ways...see numbers 5-11, specifically.
   
5. putting together a chain of songs and making a mix o' love*light.
6. preparing and sending snail mail.
7. writing lists, letters, journal and blog entries.
8. making collages.
9. smiling at a passerby, watching a smile emerge on his/her face and receiving a smile in return; spreadin' the love.
10. baking made*with*love chocolate chip walnut cookies, (made-from-scratch-not-from-a-box) banana walnut bread, coconut thumbprint cookies and blueberry crumb pie.
11. saying "please" and "thank you"; being respect*full and honoring.
12. i am building a spiritual direction/spiritual guidance practice and this inspires me!
13. i am called to attend an art retreat. Squam speaks to me.
14. i have visions of attending Squam in 2009!
15. i am yearning to return to ireland. soon, soon...
16. i studied abroad in galway, ireland for a semester during college. it was a place/time where/when the most profound healing i'd known up to that point took place. i was 20 years old.
    
17. while studying abroad i traveled in england and france.
18. my soul*friends live in california; oregon; virginia; washington, dc; maine; new york; new jersey; massachusetts; senegal, africa; wyoming; pennsylvania; rhode island; ohio; montana; washington; and, vermont.
19. i drink (with rare exceptions) tea (earl grey decaf., herbal & chai) and water. occasionally i drink cider and wine.
    
20. i do not like the taste of beer or coffee.
21. i heart bright colors: orange and red, in particular.
22. 22 is the day of my birth.
23. when i was 23 years old i lived in billings, montana.
24. the color of my hair matches this season. i have red/auburn/autumn hair. just like my poppa.
    
25. i heart angel dogs.
26. my parents live with an angel dog, a soft coated wheaten terrier: part lamb, part polar bear. he's divine.
27. i heart twinkle lights: multi*colored or clear. both are appreciated by me.
28. i heart: one dessert, two forks (or, two spoons).
29. i light candles and call out a gratitude(s) or call in an angel(s)...often my bella dear.
30. i heart the word "intention" (noun): a course of action that one intends to follow. an aim that guides action; an objective.
31. i heart brunch.
32. i heart upcoming autumn travels to a lake in southern new jersey and to portland, maine to honor momma earth and this season in the company of angel*dears, heart*friends, soul*sisters and family.
33. i am 33 years old.
    
34. i heart the word "scrumptious" (adjective): splendid; delectable.
35. i heart mint chocolate chip ice cream; i prefer "white" over "green".
36. my first blog discovery in the spring of 2002: keri smith.
37. discovering the bloggie world and an endless, ever*unfolding string o' bloggie lights changed and continues to change my life.
    
38. i heart crushes.
39. i heart sweet, color*full dreams that i recall in the morning when i wake.
40. i heart the word "mercy" (noun): compassionate treatment. alleviation of distress; relief.
41. i heart live music.
42. my word for 2008: believe.
43. "remember" is the word that emerged to accompany "believe" in 2008.
44. i inhale "believe" and exhale "remember". inhale "believe", exhale "remember"...
    
45. i heart the word "cozy" (adjective): snug, comfortable, and warm. marked by friendly intimacy.
46. i heart the word "prayer" (noun): a reverent petition made to god, a god, or another object of worship. an act of communion with god, a god, or another object of worship, such as in devotion, confession, praise, or thanksgiving.
47. i heart birds.
48. i heart elephants.
49. i heart family.
50. i heart community.
51. i heart tribe.
52. i heart sisterhood.
53. i heart motherhood.
54. i heart books.
55. i heart bookstores.
56. i heart libraries.
    
57. i heart lists.
58. i heart memes.
59. i heart simplicity.
60. i heart taking evening/night walks in the dark and passing by people's homes and being warmed & lit up by thoughts of what's inside: relationship, love, home...
61. i heart the word "home" (noun): a place where one lives; a residence. a dwelling place together with the family or social unit that occupies it; a household. an environment offering security and happiness. a valued place regarded as a refuge or place of origin. the place, such as a country or town, where one was born or has lived for a long period. the native habitat, as of a plant or animal. the place where something is discovered, founded, developed, or promoted; a source.
62. i heart this list of 100s from marta writes.
63. i heart this (a work in progress) list of 100 ideas from keri smith.
64. i remember roller*skating and bike*riding when i was a wee one.
65. i remember what the pizza at the local roller*rink tasted like when i was a wee one. de*licious.
66. i remember eating entire pints of ben & jerry's chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream on summer nights in high school while hanging out with my friend and tennis doubles partner, t.
67. i heart living in a place where there are four distinct seasons.
68. i heart the moon.
69. i heart ritual.
70. i heart worship.
71. i heart practice.
72. i remember eating raisin toast and playing "old maid" with my bro and maternal grandmother on saturday mornings when i was a wee one.
73. i remember eating ellio's pizza and tastykake chocoloate cup cakes at my maternal grandmother's home when i was a wee one.
74. the middle name of my momma's three kiddies is her maiden name; a gift i treasure.
75. i only wear one contact, in my right eye.
76. my momma's three kiddies all have/had completely different hair colors: my bro's hair color is jet black; my little sista's hair color was a golden/brownish; and, mine is, as you know, red/auburn.
77. my older bro, b., is 21 months older than me; he was only 1 year ahead of me in school (i was young for my grade). my momma calls us her "twins."
78. my first time on a plane, at the age of 19, was for a flight to israel.
79. i was lucky enough to have my favorite teacher two times in elementary school: in 2nd grade and in 4th grade.
80. i never knew my grandfathers. my paternal grandfather died when my poppa was 8 years old. my maternal grandfather died when my momma was 16.
81. i miss my maternal grandmother, g. she was generous and classy and loving. i felt cozy, safe and at home with her.
82. a major part of my grieving bella's sudden death is dealing with the loss of a child. this is a deeply tender & personal part of my grief. i don't think people understand it/don't have a point of reference for it. bella was 10 years younger than me and 12 years younger than her bro., b. while she twinkled and twirled here in her physical body i loved her as a momma loves a child. i mothered her; i parented her. i grieve the death of my sister and friend, yes. and, there is mostly the grief of losing a child, my only child (up to this point).
    
83. i worked in a church rectory during my "middle school" years.
84. i worked in a toy store in my hometown my senior year of high school.
85. i worked at the college library and at tower records in college.
86. i didn't go to preschool.
87. thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.
88. i grew up in new jersey.
89. nj is an entirely misunderstood state. i don't say this defensively. it just is.
90. there actually is a truth in nj being called/named the "garden" state.
91. i love living in my city.
92. i have never owned/leased a car.
93. my feet have always been my primary mode of transportation.
94. i am a reiki master practitioner.
95. i am an ordained interfaith minister.
96. i sense that i will live in new england long term in the future.
97. i love what photographs have the capacity to capture, the pieces of moments & the spirit of things/beings.
98. i'd like to learn how to (among other things...): knit and play piano.
99. nature is my teacher and healer. all i need to do to access the teaching and the healing is step outside and plant both feet on the ground.
100. i'm a the cup is half full, 3/4 full, over*flowing kind of a gal.
     

bursting open

happy october!

today i wrote in my journal:
"open october intentions: to seek openings; to live in open*ness."

what are your october intentions?

today i worked from 9 a.m. - 12 noon in my office and i cleared the rest of the day to come home, re*ground, re*center and create. a gift to me. five delicious hours before i need to catch a train for a meeting this evening. on my list for to*day: blog; clean/clear my home space (a little autumn cleaning!); prepare and package up some love*mail; eat a nourishing meal before i catch my 5:53 pm train; and, rest, relax and breathe (deeply).

what's on your list for to*day?

yesterday evening i received an e-mail entitled, "You're the winner!", from the divine Christine Mason Miller. i've been admiring Christine's book (without actually holding this treasure in my hands) , Ordinary Sparkling Moments, and i won a free, signed copy of this soul*full creation. lucky, lucky, lucky me! Christine announced the delicious*ness here, as well. i look forward to receiving the soul*fuel that this book will offer as i continue to create and share my work/art/being in the world, day by day.

a grat*nour for sure: this being called a "winner" (as we all are!) and receiving something from a generous beam of light nearly 2,500 miles away.