hope

today it is 13 months since my beloved girl, my sister, my babe, my bella died. it has been over 17 months since i saw her alive in her physical body. my beloved girl died while abroad; the last time i saw her was at the airport when i said, "farewell for now & happy adventuring." i didn't anticipate this kind of adventure.

bella (one of my names for my little sis) died suddenly 15 days before she planned to return to the states. it was the longest time i had ever been physically/geographically separated from her, including my time abroad and while i lived in other parts of the country. it has been a wild, miraculous & open-hearted journey these past 13 months. i have been engaging in & honoring this process the way bella lived her life: bravely, boldly, curiously & openly. she is the perfect tour guide for this kind of travel...

one of the gifts i have received is the gift of union, partnership & relationship. it is the gift of no separation. her physical life has ended, yes. our relationship, our sisterhood, our love continues to emerge and evolve in ways that i can hardly articulate/wrap words around. all i know is that we (me & bella and the greater "we") are not separate. our love, our union, our conversation is unfolding and eternal.

and, i miss her like mad. her sweet little body contained so much. wildness. grounded-ness. color. life. wisdom. tenderness. softness. i loved loving her; the way a momma loves her babe.

i sit with all of this tonight. and, this: the gift of friendship; the anticipation of creating a new home space and new work; a commitment to showing up to what is (particularly while living with all of the questions/unknowns about this new home space & new work); and, hope.

tonight i am hope-full. and, you. what are you sitting with? what are you full of?