Saturday, September 8, 2007


looking through old e-mails tonight. i re-discovered this one, from january 20, 2006, 4 months before bella's physical death...

"hello, sweet girl!

...honey, i am so proud of you. somehow your departure didn't register until it was happening. you know, what a big step in your humanbeingness that this is. and, i did all the things (forgive me) that parents do. i thought about when momma was carrying you and when you came home from the hospital and how i couldn't wait to hear what your voice would sound like when you spoke and who you would grow up and into being. you are stellar. do you know? i have a great life and [bella], i must tell you, you are at the tippy-top of that list of what makes my life so great...loving you as much as i do. thank you for being you and alive and well...

speaking of well. you sound well. did i tell you how ireland and studying abroad was a big healing time for me? huge. the biggest and best healing i'd known in my life up to that point. these moments are unforgettable. you are in the perfect spot.

that's all for now, ma cherie. i adore you like crazy. keep sending the yummy e-mails. we'll continue to send you prayers of safety, sassiness, wellness & at home-ness.

i love you.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo & bizillionkatrilliongazillion..."

these are the things that continue to expand: having a great life; the privilege of loving bella; being in the perfect spot; the gratitude; being proud; the healing; the moments; adoring; sending prayers; the love, love, love...

1 comment:

jenica said...

i just found your site through kirsten. after reading this post i had to read back to find the history of your bella.

my sister passed away as an infant and i was left an only child for many years. my whole life i've craved a sister. but as your first bella post says, your relationship with her has continued, the dialogue moves on.

i too, feel that my sister and i have a bond. a bond that i may not have truly recognized if we had to share bedrooms or clothes or boyfriends. ;-D i miss having the chance to experience all of those things with her, but we do have a deep spiritual connection, a connection that i need to revisit.

thank you for the reminder. i wish you happy healing and happy days.