Wednesday, November 7, 2007

smidge & sass & smoochies & mwah...

tangled. feisty (not in the deliciously endearing kind of way). sensitive to loud-ness. not wanting to be in process. wanting to be in control. growl. that's how it is for me in this moment (as i write this) & in other moments today.

i'm watching myself, witnessing myself when i do, when i stop just enough, just a smidge. [smidge. ha-ha-ha! that's a bella word.] i want to sit myself down and say, "yo', what's up with you, girl? for real, what's up?"

i feel antsy. unsettled. dis-satisfied. i feel like i'm living more in the future, more in anticipation, rather than in presence and awareness. my energy is scattered. i jump from one thought to the next to the next. i'm not centered. i'm not inhabiting my body, my being-ness. noticing how un-comfortable this is. i'd rather not be here...again. and, here i am. in all my red-headed glory. me. here. now. so, i will sit and wait as best as i know how in this moment.

as for glimmers:
*remembering some of bella's words: smidge, sass, smoochies, yummy, snuggle, super, yay! (or, yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay), neat, mwah and kiddo.

ah, isn't it most delightful, this bundle of bella words?!

what are some of the words of the ones you love-like-crazy?


icanseeclearlynow said...

hi there. new to your blog and hope you don't mind my chiming in. this post was a great read, rhythmic, like a poem. i know that looking ahead feeling instead of being in the moment.



bella said...

You have red hair? so does my son Leo, a bright mane like a lion.

Sorry to hear you are in one of those distracted, restless places. It's hard, when you feel yourself lost in what is ahead and unable to ground in the here and now.
Be gentle with yourself.
much love to you.