the presence of presence

it is night
and
i am full

full of
restlessness
and
sorrow
and
spring
and
memory

remembering
g, my maternal grandmother
her birthday was on monday
one of our rituals was
walking to the acme (supermarket)
on a day just like today
and
choosing my chocolate cupcake tastycake treats
my lunch dessert with a tall glass of ice cold milk
she would sit with me
and
enjoy my enjoyment

remembering
what spring felt like then
what comfort felt like then
and
home
and
love
and
the absence of
fear
or
longing
or
dis-ease
just the simple pleasure
of
being
together

me
and
g

the presence
of
presence

sometimes i am full
of
such longing
to
go back

where
i wonder?
to
safety
certainty
birth
the beginning?

to
what i can only call
by the name
of
home

home
not as a physical structure
or
location

home
as a feeling
of
trust
comfort
warmth
light
wonder
possibility

the presence
of
presence