Sunday, April 20, 2008

life savers

when i was in first grade my teacher, sister marie, gave all of her students little rolls of life savers every friday. even after she went to the hospital towards the end of my first grade year for all that time; every friday we were given little rolls of life savers.

sister marie died the summer after i finished first grade. i remember my mother receiving the phone call. i remember hearing the word "died" and understanding it and not understanding it. i think death is like this. i understood it as something big and powerful and incomprehensible then. i still do.

these days as i continue to navigate death, bella's death. as i feel layer upon layer upon seemingly endless layer of loss, sad, broken-hearted. as i feel outraged, ferociously outraged. i'm thinking about these life savers:

*spring (as i said to l. on the phone yesterday evening, "spring is saving my ass")
*music (two of my faves: mixes made by lovely babes c. and s.)
*the physical presence of beloved beings (a weekly tea date with t. in the park, our first outdoor tea date of the year; sitting across from k. at her kitchen table on friday late afternoon/early evening eating chocolate chip scones and veggie chicken nuggets with ketchup; and, surprise breakfast dates with b. & b.)
*my momma
*ice cream days (days when it's hot and ice cream sounds like perfection)

what are some of your life savers (or, what's saving your ass) these days?

1 comment:

bella said...

This brought back memories of my paternal grandpa. He was a quiet man, a baptist preacher. and when we could visit him and go to church Sunday morning he would bring out a roll of lifesavers and I sat there sucking on the sweet hardness. this is what I knew of my grandpa's god.