this is where i have been in recent days while gathering with 90+ devoted souls, who are my classmates & teachers: "returning, returning, returning to the mother of us all..." these words are from Jennifer Berezan's beautiful, beautiful CD entitled, ReTURNING.
we gathered together by the river. we sat and stood on rocks and grass, in circles and in a collective sanctuary. we sang. we danced. we celebrated. we listened. we held each other in love and light. we named and honored our ancestors. we meditated. we ate. we worshiped the earth, god, goddess, creator, energy, love, source, light (whatever name(s) one chooses to call "the divine").
i received my spiritual name yesterday morning while our class gathered for our final hours together in shared physical space (at least, for now). i heard it while sitting (in what felt like a womb) in between gentle J. and humble M. in the room where we (the 90+ of us) had already spent so many delicious hours. i had wanted to hear my name the night prior when i was guided in a meditation to listen for my spiritual name. i didn't hear it then. i trusted that my spiritual name would emerge in its own time. i was able to let go of my attachment to wanting to know now with relative ease.
then i heard it. i hadn't been thinking about it and there it was: Eve. clear. and, still i wondered, "is that it? really?!" i couldn't believe i had actually heard it! looking back, it felt (and, still feels) like i'd won the lottery. hearing it seemed as unlikely as winning the lottery (especially for one who doesn't buy lottery tickets!). nevertheless, i continued to ask the divine for my spiritual name.
i am learning this: even though sometimes i wonder if my prayers, meditations, affirmations and requests to the universe are heard, received and working--i do it anyway. i ask anyway. all i need to do is show up. show up with my tiny offerings and bold & humble requests. show up and plant my two feet on the yoga mat. show up and sit down on the pillow. show up and pray what's in my heart.
today as i create space to integrate the blessings of the past days i did some exploring about the name Eve. Eve: life giving; living; the name of the first woman; life; lively; the mother of all that lives; mother of all creation; the first link to the divine feminine in human form; she shares with all manifested beings their fate, while she guides them through life, death and birth; it is her role as mother that is put forward in this name.
yes, my spiritual name makes perfect sense. it makes sense in relationship to my journey up to this point and in my particular journey this year and in recent days. this week i continuously encountered and engaged with representations of "mother." primarily: Mother Earth; Mary (mother of Jesus); mothers of children; and, knowing myself, without question, as mother (even though i have not physically given birth to a child).