go gently

i meet with b., my spiritual director, once a month. when our session is complete we make our way down the flights of creaky, wooden stairs to the front door. together. we hug and often b.'s parting (or, sending forth) words to me are, "go gently."

i remembered today, "go gently."

today i woke to sunlight.

today i am emerging tentatively and softly from weeks of darkness. weeks of cold. weeks of wet. weeks of sickness. weeks of heartache. weeks of tears.

i have been sorrow-full. sorrowful. it's the most perfect word to describe how i've been feeling these weeks.

today i feel relieved. relieved that the weight of this year's sorrow-full christmas season is lifting. this is my/our third christmas without bella (in her familiar physical body/form).

the first christmas was "the first christmas." the second christmas was not "the first christmas." and, this christmas felt like something else entirely. something for which i do not yet have the words to capture, contain and share.

i am in process.

for now, today, i offer this tune of gentle perfection:



and, if you, too, have been sorrow-full, heart-achey or anything of this sort, i wish you this:

"Beannacht" by John O'Donohue

On the day when
The weight deadens
On your shoulders
And you stumble,
May the clay dance
To balance you.

And when your eyes
Freeze behind
The gray window
And the ghost of loss
Gets into you,
May a flock of colors,
Indigo, red, green
And azure blue,
Come to awaken in you
A meadow of delight.

When the canvas frays
In the curragh of thought
And a stain of ocean
Blackens beneath you,
May there come across the waters
A path of yellow moonlight
To bring you safely home.

May the nourishment of the earth be yours,
May the clarity of light be yours,
May the fluency of the ocean be yours,
May the protection of the ancestors be yours.

And so may a slow
Wind work these words
Of love around you,
An invisible cloak
To mind your life.

i discovered this prayer on the web earlier this year. today while at the library, without intentionally looking, i found John O'Donohue's book, To Bless the Space Between Us, and re*discovered this prayer. mysteriously/divinely i saw that John's heading for this prayer, "Beannacht", is: "A Blessing for the New Year." perfect.