oh, there is *so very much* to say. and, in the spirit of self-care i am choosing not to write in-depth about all of it tonight. i need some resting time before i climb into bed and close my eyes for delicious hours of dreaming & tangoing with the spirits.
for now, i will say that this morning i experienced an opening. i made a discovery. i have been pressing up against this discovery for weeks now, with increasing intensity (or, perhaps it is that this discovery has been pressing up against me...or, both?!) . my discovery certainly contains ideas i was already thinking about (for years & years). i look at it and i think kindly: "of course. it's simple. basic." and, yet, this morning, i really received it and i am holding it with a deeper (and uncomplicated) knowing.
here is my discovery: i don't need to be any other way. there is nothing wrong with me. there is nothing lacking or missing. all i need to be is me. fully me. i don't need to apologize for being me. i don't need to hide. i am enough as i am. [what a relief!] moment to moment. i am doing the best i can. i need to respond to the internal calls not the external (real and/or assumed) calls, pushes, pulls or demands. my home is with me and i create the house rules. it's time to come home & rest & be. and, remember, again & again & again, i am not separate. remembering these words from Desiderata, "You are a child of the universe/no less than the trees and the stars;/you have a right to be here."
i do look forward to returning here after some time away. tomorrow evening i am flying north to boston to visit with some beloved friends, friends who are family. i am looking forward to warm embraces, hands to hold, belly laughter, tears, cups of tea, soul-full conversations and other kinds of magic. i am looking forward to being in a new physical space. i am looking forward to exhaling and exhaling more...
may we all greet each other at our own front doors and embrace ourselves and welcome ourselves home. bless you.