21 february 2010

what am i here for?

i am here
to
be
here.

a chant of sorts for this season

i have been feeling (a lot of) anxious lately. off. stuck. worried. heavy. in the dark.

i am noticing how these feelings show up, what they look like, in my thoughts and in my ways of being in the world. frustration. irritability. social awkwardness. self consciousness. shame. incessant thinking about the past or the future and missing the present entirely.

it's been a rugged time.

i am listening for guidance. increasingly. desperately. something to hold on to, something to step up to.

i am receiving the hints and whispers.

these words stringing together a chant of sorts: diligence. activism. wakefulness. new, as a way of being. d.a.w.n.

i imagine this d.a.w.n. chant as a string of twinkle lights. marking where home is and how to get back to it. where the magic is. where hope, possibility and promise reside. yes, where the dawn is.

this intersects perfectly ~ divinely ~ with the arrival, today, of a season i deeply cherish.

the season of advent.

advent is a season of preparation and waiting.

it is an intentionally holy time for me.

i honor the dark and the light.

i celebrate quiet, fulfillment, vision and vitality.

i embrace birth and winter's arrival.

in upcoming days and weeks, i will bring the whole of this here. my path of embodying the d.a.w.n. and living advent. i will document what is inspiring me this season.

today's inspirations:

• the Holiday Light Show at Macy's Center City. i saw this show for the first time over 30 years ago, when the store was called John Wanamaker's. John Wanamaker's is considered the first department store in philadelphia and my maternal grandmother worked there for 30 years beginning in 1954. being there always makes me feel connected to her.
• The Comcast Holiday Spectacular in 3-D. sitting on a bench in between my momma and poppa. all of us gathered for the 5:00 p.m. show ~ young and old, girls/women and boys/men, city dwellers and visitors ~ wearing 3-D glasses and looking up.
• "Adopt the pace of nature; her secret is patience." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
• sipping my first hot cocoa with whipped cream mug of the season. tonight, while writing this post.

even without effort

rose quartz (heart shaped) - a birth*day gift from a beloved

i am holding & marinating in the truth of this wisdom card (from The Wisdom of Elves and Fairies - Messengers of the Miraculous by Gayan Sylvie Winter) - letting it in, letting it in:

"All you need in life will

come to you even without effort."

looking deeply & encountering life

"...it is exactly the way we practice mindfulness. We try to be in touch with life and look deeply as we drink our tea, walk, sit down, or arrange flowers. The secret of the success is that you are really yourself, and when you are really yourself, you can encounter life in the present moment."

~ from Peace Is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh

today -

may we be really ourselves.

may we look deeply.

may we touch life.

"our art will flower"

"Everything we do is an act of poetry or a painting if we do it with mindfulness...If we just act with awareness and integrity, our art will flower...the being is essential. So we must go back to ourselves, and when we have joy and peace in ourselves, our creations of art will be quite natural, and they will serve the world in a positive way."

~ from Peace Is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh

watering these flowers

may 14, 2009 journal notes:

here's what i think:
nothing is permanent.
anything & everything is possible.
this sets me free.

George said this to Izzie on last night's episode of Grey's Anatomy:

"Yes, you do.
The back and forth is just fear.
You know what to do.
You already made the decision...
You know exactly what you have to do."

i do.
it is.
i know.
i did.
i do.

precisely

she told us november 2006, "i can see clearly now how precisely one can craft one's life."
these words keep bubbling up these last couple of days - precisely crafting my life.
i trust this wisdom.
i am embodying this mantra: i am precisely crafting my life.