looking deeply & encountering life

"...it is exactly the way we practice mindfulness. We try to be in touch with life and look deeply as we drink our tea, walk, sit down, or arrange flowers. The secret of the success is that you are really yourself, and when you are really yourself, you can encounter life in the present moment."

~ from Peace Is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh

today -

may we be really ourselves.

may we look deeply.

may we touch life.

this february weekend

a quiet winter's night in my nest on friday. hibernating & hiding from the wind. writing. reading Journal of a Solitude by May Sarton. baking cookies. listening to a recent The Spirit of Things podcast, "Fire and Light", about bushfires (the Victorian bushfires & the Canberra bushfires).
*
early to bed on friday night, early to rise on saturday morning. while sunlight spread i listened to my bird friends chirp. i heart their chirping. later i find these words by Terry Tempest Williams here:
"I pray to the birds.
I pray to the birds because I believe they will carry messages of my heart upward.
I pray to them because I believe in their existence,
the way their songs begin and end each day - the invocations and benedictions of earth.
I pray to the birds because they remind me of what I love rather than what I fear.
And at the end of my prayers,
they teach me how to listen."
*
remembering where i was at this time last year. a year ago i arrived in heart shaped Africa with my momma. my heart cracked open even wider, as vast as the ocean we crossed, allowing for more light & more healing & more love & more grace & more understanding to rush in. this voyage continues...
*
a nourishing bodywork appointment on saturday afternoon followed by a divine phone consultation with a healer.
*
connecting with my Squam Arts Workshops roomie via e-mail. she recognized me when i posted a message on the message board & she sent me an e-mail. i wrote her back & then she wrote me back again &...well, you get the picture. i think there's going to be a lot of sweet conversation between the two of us as we prepare for this journey together. i am giddy!
*
sunday so far has looked like this: waking. a bit of yoga. cleaning up my nest. to the gym. to the grocery store. into the shower. eating. checking in with bloggie beauties. collaging. preparing for a delicious evening/night with my parents & dear family friends - dinner and the Oscars.
*
i do hope your weekend was/is cozy & creative & shared with beloved ones.

going by instinct & being brave

this morning as i prepare for an important meeting (in which i will be sharing my deepest dreams and greatest visions about the kind of work i want to do in the world, the work i am creating) my prayer is that i embody the gentle and certain movement of this water:


"There are no rules you can follow. You have to go by instinct..and you have to be brave."
-from How to Make an American Quilt

this morning

i woke after a rest-full night sleep.
a night of
uninterrupted,
unbroken
sleep.

grateful.

as i turned toward my big window
i hoped to see
through
this lens
snow
falling.

expectant.

my hope for snow was wider than usual, i realized.
this greater hope
due to the cancellation of today's special day of retreat.
canceled because of this talk of snow.
this snow talk.

no snow falling.
had it snowed and stopped?
or,
paused?

i scanned the rooftops first.
no snow there.
snow on the ground?
no.

will it snow?
i don't know.

there may be rain.

still,
this morning
i am moving in the quiet,
soft
and
graceful ways
snow
invites me,
calls me.

crawling back into bed for a bit longer.
turning up the heat.
rolling out my yoga mat.
raising my arms.
welcoming this day
as it
is,
as it
unfolds.

yes.

retreating once more to my bed.
this time
sitting
cross legged
facing the window
and
reading aloud
the beginning pages
(and pages)
of
John O'Donohue's book,
To Bless the Space Between Us.

these are
my morning prayers.

from "Matins":

"In the name of Silence
Womb of the Word,
In the name of Stillness
Home of Belonging,
In the name of the Solitude
Of the Soul and the Earth.

I arise today."

from "A Morning Offering":

"May I have the courage today
To live the life that I would love,
To postpone my dream no longer
But do at last what I came here for
And waste my heart on fear no more."

from "For A New Beginning"
[yasmine, i thought of you & your word, unfurl, when i read these words...]:

"Though your destination is not year clear
You can trust the promise of this opening;
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning
That is at one with your life's desire."

wishing radiant you* a gently courageous day...

**
a reminder: leave a comment here to enter to win a give*away, an extra*special gem parcel.

go gently

i meet with b., my spiritual director, once a month. when our session is complete we make our way down the flights of creaky, wooden stairs to the front door. together. we hug and often b.'s parting (or, sending forth) words to me are, "go gently."

i remembered today, "go gently."

today i woke to sunlight.

today i am emerging tentatively and softly from weeks of darkness. weeks of cold. weeks of wet. weeks of sickness. weeks of heartache. weeks of tears.

i have been sorrow-full. sorrowful. it's the most perfect word to describe how i've been feeling these weeks.

today i feel relieved. relieved that the weight of this year's sorrow-full christmas season is lifting. this is my/our third christmas without bella (in her familiar physical body/form).

the first christmas was "the first christmas." the second christmas was not "the first christmas." and, this christmas felt like something else entirely. something for which i do not yet have the words to capture, contain and share.

i am in process.

for now, today, i offer this tune of gentle perfection:



and, if you, too, have been sorrow-full, heart-achey or anything of this sort, i wish you this:

"Beannacht" by John O'Donohue

On the day when
The weight deadens
On your shoulders
And you stumble,
May the clay dance
To balance you.

And when your eyes
Freeze behind
The gray window
And the ghost of loss
Gets into you,
May a flock of colors,
Indigo, red, green
And azure blue,
Come to awaken in you
A meadow of delight.

When the canvas frays
In the curragh of thought
And a stain of ocean
Blackens beneath you,
May there come across the waters
A path of yellow moonlight
To bring you safely home.

May the nourishment of the earth be yours,
May the clarity of light be yours,
May the fluency of the ocean be yours,
May the protection of the ancestors be yours.

And so may a slow
Wind work these words
Of love around you,
An invisible cloak
To mind your life.

i discovered this prayer on the web earlier this year. today while at the library, without intentionally looking, i found John O'Donohue's book, To Bless the Space Between Us, and re*discovered this prayer. mysteriously/divinely i saw that John's heading for this prayer, "Beannacht", is: "A Blessing for the New Year." perfect.

winter solstice: Sacred Life Sunday

some treasures for this winter solstice, this :

*Jen Lee's Solstice: Stories of Light in the Dark. find out more about downloading it via CD Baby (for $6!) here. last night before sleep i turned out the lights, sat in the dark & listened to this beauty, this sweet & wise & spoken lullaby. thank you, Jen Lee.

*"To Know the Dark" by Wendell Berry; discovered here.

To go in the dark with a light is to know the light.
To know the dark, go dark. Go without sight,
and find that the dark, too, blooms and sings,
and is traveled by dark feet and dark wings.

*words by Rebecca Parker, President of Starr King School for the Ministry:

"Perhaps for a moment the typewriters will stop clicking,
the wheels stop rolling and the computers desist from computing,
and a hush will fall over the city.
For in an instant, in the stillness, the chiming of celestial spheres will be heard, as earth hangs poised in the crystalline darkness,
and then gracefully tilts.

Let there be a season when holiness is heard, and the splendor of living is revealed. Stunned to silence by beauty we remember who we are and why we are here. There are inexplicable mysteries.

We are not alone. In the universe there moves a Wild One whose gestures alter earth's axis toward love. In the immense darkness everything spins with joy.

The cosmos unfolds us. We are caught in a web of stars, cradled in a swaying embrace, rocked by the holy night, babes of the universe.

Let this be the time we wake to life, as spring wakes,
In the moment of winter solstice."

*in the hushed stillness of this winter solstice i wish you this remembering: you are not alone. every*thing tilts toward love and joy. you are held, cradled, rocked. you are a precious babe of the universe.

marinating in the bliss

as i write this, with the intention to post it in the early a.m., i am marinating in the bliss of being in the presence of the great, wise Mary Oliver. i wrote to a friend, "with each spoken word it felt as if she was offering me/us a communion wafer." it was a holy and sweet time. no doubt, i will wake in the morning of this thanks*giving eve, also my big bro's 35th birth*day, marinating still.

i am in touch with my deepest cravings (for): quiet prayer, gentle partnership, fresh air communion, the freedom of forgiveness and still*full presence.

"What i want to say is that the past is the past and the present is what [my] life is and [I am] capable of choosing what that will be [me, a] darling citizen. So [I will] come to the pond, or the river of [my] imagination, or the harbor of [my] longing, and put [my] lips to the world. And live [my] life."
-from "Mornings at Blackwater" by Mary Oliver

true home

Our true home is in the present moment.
To live in the present moment is a miracle.
The miracle is not to walk on water.
The miracle is to walk on the green Earth in the present moment,
to appreciate the peace and beauty that are available now.
Peace is all around us-
in the world and in nature-
and within us-
in our bodies and our spirits.
Once we learn to touch the peace,
we will be healed and transformed.
It is not a matter of faith;
it is a matter of practice.
-Thich Nhat Hanh

yes, yes, yes!

if Oprah asked me, "What do you know for sure?" this would be my response, "The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the green Earth in the present moment...it is a matter of practice."

dear mother earth & more: Sacred Life Sunday

elements of my :

*i discovered this prayer in the prayer book, LIFE PRAYERS FROM AROUND THE WORLD, edited by Elizabeth Roberts & Elias Amidon. this is my prayer for today, for all my days.

Please, dear mother Earth,
Help me to stand firm on my own two feet
Drawing on the solid earth below me
Help me to know the constancy of your strength
the power that is you, oh dear mother earth
Help me to walk with the blood of rivers in my veins
and the dark crumbling soil of earth in my flesh
Let my muscles be strong as the tree trunks
that rise up out of your belly
To dance in the sky
and sing praises to the life all around
Beating, pulsing, rich and full
with your sweet sure energy.
Oh dear mother earth,
Live in this body today.
Sing loudly in every breath I take
Stretch wildly and flow freely
with all the directions I move
and come home with me,
come home to my belly
live deep in my soul
oh mother earth, SING!
-Stephanie Kaza

*a 1 hour 36 minutes & 18 seconds reconnecting phone conversation with a beloved sister who lives in laramie, wyoming. hearing that she is well and happy. this is a victory! a few years ago she proclaimed with humor (one of her magnificent gifts) and truth*fully that her life resembled a Lifetime movie. i am blessed with an abundance of soul*sisters. lucky, lucky, lucky me.

*remembering the delicious*ness of last night's dinner & nourishing conversation with another soul*sister. after dinner, a night of heart*moving sacred singing/chanting/Kirtan.

*in less than 2 hours i will embrace a sweet soul from portland, maine & her co-worker, who are in my city on business. we will celebrate thanks*giving & dine together!

*baking a family favorite cookie: coconut thumbprint cookies with raspberry preserves.

*wearing bella's pink sweater and a piece of jewelry (purchased in honor of my love for bella and her love for me) made by the divine Thea Coughlin.

*looking forward to this week: lunch with a friend at a favorite spot on monday afternoon; a kundalini yoga class on monday night; a tuesday afternoon reunion with a marvelous being, who i have not seen in over 9 years; going to see & listen to the great poet Mary Oliver on tuesday night; big bro's birthday on wednesday; a vinyasa yoga class on wednesday morning & dedicating this practice to my big bro; being at my parents' home with my bro & our fam's angel dog on wednesday afternoon - sunday; and, enjoying good food, fresh air, movies, games and all kinds of cozy*ness.

now is the time

"Now is the time,
To climb up the mountain
And reason against habit,
Now is the time...

Now is the time
To commence the litany of hope,
Now is the time..."

-Mzwakhe Mbuli

a saturday list

on the menu: (for tomorrow's home & love*made brunch...) spinach & mushroom omelets, yam "fries", pumpkin muffins, mugs o' tea & a double serving of catchin' up conversation.
prayer: (appropriate for these times, i think...) "We are aware that all generations of our ancestors and all future generations are present in us. / We are aware of the expectations that our ancestors, our children, and their children have of us. / We are aware that our joy, peace, freedom, and harmony are the joy, peace, freedom, and harmony of our ancestors, our children, and their children. / We are aware that understanding is the very foundation of love. / We are aware that blaming and arguing never help us and only create a wider gap between us, that only understanding, trust, and love can help us change and grow." -Thich Nhat Hanh
color: gray. the color of this day i am embracing.
enjoying: the unfolding of my saturday. waking without an alarm. a cup o' yogi tea (thai sweet delight) with this bit o' wisdom dangling from the end of the tea bag: "Grace brings contentment." healing minutes on the phone with a soul*sister. scrumptious sushi lunch with a dear friend...full of heart*full, rich conversation & appreciation for one another. being at home for the evening/night.
definition: grace (noun). 1. Seemingly effortless beauty or charm of movement, form, or proportion. 2. A characteristic or quality pleasing for its charm or refinement. 3. A sense of fitness or propriety. 4a. A disposition to be generous or helpful; goodwill. b. Mercy; clemency. 5. A favor rendered by one who need not do so; indulgence. 6. A temporary immunity or exemption; a reprieve. [definition found here.]
releasing: "have to" and "must".
welcoming: grace.
tunes: Ella Fitzgerald. the perfect voice for today.
remembering: an extra*special, extra*long re*connecting weekend celebration/love*fest in maine a couple o' weeks ago. gathering around tables of five or more at meal*times. making a feast o' home & love*made pumpkin pie & stir*fry. toasting to life & love. walking through a fairy village. seeing a great blue heron. drivin' & drivin' & drivin'. salad & pizza. a hot tuna sandwich. sunday morning bagels, fresh from the bakery, on the beach. days without television or radio. taking photos.
seeing: (from my 5th floor windows) the tops of orange*red & yellow*green trees.
feeling: a bit shy & quiet & soft lately. also feeling a bit anxious, stressed & overwhelmed in the last day +.

what's on your saturday list?

there is nothing wrong

do you ever have times when you can't stand yourself/your way(s) of being? when you are exasperated by your own darn self? to the point of tears i had this experience on friday evening. it wasn't an isolated, one time incident that caused the frustration and trembling (i was literally shaking with upset). it was the awareness of a repeated way of being in a particular space in my life which is so far out of alignment with who i want to be, who i know my highest, fullest expression to be. no, it was not the first time i had this awareness; it was more like the (without exaggeration) 1,000th time i had this awareness. i was uncomfortable, disgusted and ashamed. ugh.

i'm talkin' years of reacting the same way. yet, more than anything i wanted it to be different NOW. yes, years (over 4 of 'em) of reacting the same way and i want it to be different in a second. effective immediately: no more complaining; no more scowling; no more gettin' hysterical; no more little miss pissy pants; no more lookin' bad; no more justifyin'; no more spiraling out of control. when that doesn't happen i get defeated. you can imagine how defeated i've felt/been feeling.

it's like i want to rub out that this way of being is even a part of who i can be, who i be, sometimes. just get rid of it. then i launch a very unhelpful attack on myself: "what's wrong with me? why can't i be different? i know the difference between reacting and responding! i've been doing this for years. STOP the madness." i end this rant to me where i began: "what's wrong with me?!"

i have been sitting rather uncomfortably in all of this for a couple of days now. i've been trying to be compassionate towards me and remind myself: it's a process. this morning, after some tears, a mantra (to support and accompany me) emerged, piece by piece: "i am still. i am quiet. i am listening. i am responding." nearly complete, this mantra. then the true first line of this mantra was revealed: "there is nothing wrong."

there is nothing wrong.
i am still.
i am quiet.
i am listening.
i am responding.

all of this mantra is great and help-full, of course. and, the piece that saves me and inspires me is the beginning. i must start with: "there is nothing wrong." there is nothing wrong. there is nothing wrong. there is nothing wrong.

treasuring...

*a black & white calla lily "impromptu postcard" from my "lady friends in Maine"
*a fun "4 things about me" e-mail exchange with my soulsister s., my oldest friend (e.g., 4 jobs i have had in my life; 4 movies i would watch over and over; 4 places i've lived; 4 favorite foods); perhaps i will share these bits in another post...
*planning a late june/early july beach reunion with peeps who are family; celebrating nearly 11 years of livin' & knowin' & lovin' one another!
*the dear diary stories, marta writes
*a cup of heaven rooibos tea in my favorite mug, which by the way was found on the sale table at one of my favorite shops
*writing
*The Ganesh Mantra: Om Gam Ganapataye Namah; a mantra known to remove obstacles, inner and outer, along the path. thank you, beautiful t., for sharing this mantra at the perfect/divine time!
*the library
*avocados & grape tomatoes
*chocolate chip + walnut cookie dough
*therapy
*the color yellow; the color of sunshine and ripe bananas
*these words from The Persistence of Yellow by Monique Duval, #317: "Everything melted, rained, unraveled, became, grew wings, attempted flight, flopped, tried again, succeeded. Just another day."
*these words from Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert: "I remember her taking me by the shoulders and looking me in the eye with a calm smile and saying simply, 'Tell the truth, tell the truth, tell the truth'" (p. 94).
*hope
*imagining
*creating
*grace before meals
*learning & practicing living the poem, "The Journey", by Mary Oliver: "One day you finally knew/what you had to do, and began,/though the voices around you/kept shouting/their bad advice-/though the whole house/began to tremble/and you felt the old tug/at your ankles./'Mend my life!'/each voice cried./But you didn't stop./You knew what you had to do,/though the wind pried/with its stiff fingers/at the very foundations,/though their melancholy/was terrible./It was already late/enough, and a wild night,/and the road full of fallen/branches and stones./But little by little,/as you left their voices behind,/the stars began to burn/through the sheets of clouds,/and there was a new voice/which you slowly/recognized as your own,/that kept you company/as you strode deeper and deeper/into the world,/determined to do/the only thing you could do-/determined to save/the only life you could save."

what are you treasuring?

packin' up

to heart-shaped Africa i am going. we (me & my momma) fly on friday early evening. to the land from which my dear bella's spirit rose to twirl & tango with the moon & the stars...to be of service in new ways.

here i go. it feels like i am "returning" to a land that has been calling out to me forever & ever. since the beginning & before the beginning. returning...even though i have never been to Africa in my physical body in this lifetime.

one of the gazillions of squealing-with-delight delights: taking bella's stuffed animal love that my momma, big bro & i purchased in july 1985, weeks before bella's birth. bella took her stuffed precious moments lamb love with her everywhere. everywhere except Africa. she left him for us. this lamb love is taking flight with us, too. and, no, no, no he will not be "checked."

bless you and all of your pilgrim voyages, internal & external, in the moments, hours, mornings, nights, days and weeks to come.

today...

may our hearts be open.
full.
still.
receiving.
may we breathe deeply.
joy-fully.
prayer-fully.
wish-fully.
may we rise.
in light.
in grace.
in truth.
may we rest in the
delicious
tender
wonder
of it all.

what would i do

the brave and soul-full Jen Ballantyne asked this real and true question: what would i do if i only had 12 months to live?

awake in the dark in the early morning hours i remembered this question. this question that was asked of me (as a reader visiting Jen's blog for the first time on friday). here is what is emerging for me in response...

i would clarify/focus my intention/attention. i would remember my purpose for being here, on this earthly plane at this time, in this place: presence & healing. i would continue to write (a holy calling of mine). i would continue to write love letters & send treasures in the mail (one of my favorite things!). i would keep telling people how much i love, adore & cherish them. i would tell my family, community & tribe how they have given me life & saved me again and again and again; i would keep telling them how grateful i am for them. i would pray constantly, speaking to the closest & dearest partner i've known in this lifetime: spirit/wisdom/love. i would go with the flow & remember to pause and redirect my energy (sooner) when realizing that i was blocking the flow/getting in the way of source/life/spirit. i would let go of the tightness, the holding in my body and mind. i would write a list of the places in my life where my integrity was out and restore the integrity in each place, one by one. i would let myself fall in love in new, deeper, surprising & mysterious ways. i would forgive myself for my (perfect) imperfections. i would ask some souls for their forgiveness for the ways in which i was unjust, unkind and hurtful. i would enter into the delicious-ness, the tasty-ness of each moment. i would taste each bite of food. i would remind myself to look, to see what is. i would create rituals & i would invite others to participate. i would ask others to sit with me, to be with me, to hold me, to create rituals for me. i would speak the truth and only the truth/the heart of the matter. i would grieve. i would howl, scream, cry, sob. i would, no doubt, let go more. i would allow for more be-ing and less do-ing. i would take deep, deep breaths. i would call on bella. i would call on my maternal grandmother. i would dance. i would sing. i would free myself. i would laugh, deep belly laughs. i would be light.

thank you, Jen, for this opportunity, for the invitation to the table of your heart, for including me/us in your journey.

honoring

it is friday night. my delicious holiday break, time away from my work, began at 1 pm today. i exhale into the abundant space. i will reside in this cozy nest of warmth & twinkle-light & merrymaking for days & days. i am so grateful.

open door:
grateful, i think of the words below, which i heard for the first time nearly 10 years ago. a Blackle search indicates these words are from Ted Loder, contained in his book, Guerrillas of Grace. here's an excerpt:

"...out of the thoughts and feelings which whirl within,
I grope for language to carry to you my secrets
and all the wonders that seize my heart.
Praise be to you
for holding me in the womb of mystery
through all the eons of creation until now
and raising me to life
in this time and place.

I am so thankful to be alive—
breathing, moving, sensing,
wide-eyed, cock-eared alive—
in this mysterious instant,
at this luminous time,
on this nurturing earth,
this blue pearl of great price
whirling through uncharted space,
attended by vigilant stars;
during these days of chance and battle,
with streaks of hope and holiness on the horizon,
touched by nature’s pleading beauty
and friendship’s steady hold.

I am so thankful to be alive—
eyes in love with seeing,
ears in love with hearing,
heart in love with attending,
mind in love with connecting;
eager to miss no message of grace
in the ballet of beauty
or in the cramp of struggle
of this incredible gift of life;
attentive to all the clues of love,
daringly and outlandishly
scattered for me through Jesus’s life,
overturning habit and hate;
attentive to the dreams he renews,
the wounds he heals,
the promises he nails up
for me to step out on.

I am so thankful to be alive,
thankful for those times
when the rhythms of my life
catch the cadences of your kingdom,
when there is a lightening in me
for a moment,
when the creep of courage
allows me to dare to serve the gifts
you have put in me;
thankful for the neighbors you have put besides me,
and the possibilities you have put before me;
thankful for the surge of determination to accept difficulty
not as an excuse for passivity,
but as a goad to creativity,
as the door to abundant life,
and the seed of a peace the world cannot take away,
as it takes away so much else.

I am so thankful to be alive...
hold me always in the womb of mystery
and raise me again and again, forever,
to life,
and to love..."

such jewels in these words. what are the wonders seizing your heart? do you feel held in the womb of mystery? do you find this time luminous? do you see the streaks of hope & holiness on the horizon? what are the messages of grace you are receiving? do you feel the lightening? i wonder, dear wonders...

currently i am honoring this holy season in these ways:
*making a donation in bella's name to support the creation of a student circus at an elementary school in northern virgina. i know the ringmaster; she is a teacher at the school and a magical friend.
*drinking cups of hot cocoa with whipped cream & decaf earl grey tea with a smidge of sugar & soy milk.
*making cookies to share with family & friends. classic spritz cookies made with a cookie press in the shapes of hearts & trees, colored & sprinkled; peanut butter cookies; coconut thumb print cookies; chocolate walnut cookies; and, raisin walnut cookies.
*getting a manicure & pedicure. my toes were painted glittery red! so festive. i will have to show everyone my toes at every holiday gathering. he-he.
*allowing space for my experience & my grief. letting myself cry & cry more when i need to.
*participating in two winter solstice events. one at a friend's home tonight and another at a local unitarian church tomorrow night.
*gathering at my parents' home on sunday evening for a celebration with bella's beloved hometown peeps & her dynamite roomie from college.
*welcoming an angel guest for a visit to my city for a few days after christmas.
*attending christmas eve mass.
*donating blood this early morning.
*listening to Wintersong.

answered prayer

i've been feeling swirly-twirly lately. things are a-brewin'. feeling unsettled, ungrounded and in some ways easily shaken and overstimulated. at times this week when i've spoken, it's felt disconnected from my center, my voice, reactive even. i've been withdrawing a bit. feeling some deep, core sadness. wanting to allow. wanting to surrender. wanting to let this (and, me) to just be okay, enough even. receiving the invitation to tend to my soil, the ground of my being, strengthen my sweet and fertile foundation. it's gem's time. as i write that last sentence the universe is whispering in my ear an "a-men" & a hearty "mmm-hmm". all the angels are nodding. yet, i seem to be resisting it. resisting me.

in this moment, i affirm: i am present. i trust fully that this moment will lead to the next moment perfectly (gentle note to gem, "please step out of the way, darling.").

last night, before sleep, i asked god/spirit to send me a message, to let me know what i needed to know while i slept. this morning i woke refreshed. my first thought was: i feel as though i've been washed clean, my mind and my body. i am so grateful. thank you, great spirit.

thinking of this poem, today's open door offering...

"Awakening"
from Being Home
by Gunilla Norris

"First thought-as in 'first light'-
let me be aware that I waken in You.
Before I even think that I am in my bed,
let me think that I am in You.

Eyes crusted over, mouth dry,
my creature self feels so inert and dumb.
Let me be aware that these words
searching toward You into consciousness
are also coming from You.

You are waking me out of this sleepiness
into awareness that my life, my thoughts,
my body, my tasks, my loves, passions,
and sorrows are gifts from You,
to be discovered and received this day.

Each hour wake me further to find You.
Let me relish in You, exult in You,
play in You, be faithful in You.
Let me be wholly present
to living the gift of time.

Help me to feel tremendous, unrelenting joy
which is Your constancy
and which will not let any of us go.
Wake me to You."

beauty-full, miraculous beings, may this day be filled with loving wake-full-ness, light-full awareness & complete okay-ness.

lit up

i was blessed to arrange my day in such a way that i was home to watch/experience Elizabeth Gilbert on Oprah this afternoon at 4 pm. it was Elizabeth's second time on Oprah. i sat and listened and smiled, mirroring Elizabeth's smile, i noticed. as always, she was full of wisdom & grace & light & humor & play & humility, reflecting what i treasure most in my human being-ness, our human being-ness.

Elizabeth spoke of stillness and saying, "No." she spoke of having a "bigger smaller life" and knowing that she is her "best person" when she has "less on her plate." ah, yes. me, too. Elizabeth also spoke of how this book was her "word ladder", the process of writing allowed her to climb up and out of what she was in. i love this image of words stacked on top of each other, leading us up (or, through), bit by bit. speaking of writing in this way resonates for me.

when i was 17 years old and going through a pain-full time in my young life my dearest sister-friend, s., handed me a brown paper grocery bag one summer afternoon and said, "this is your therapy." the bag was filled with all kinds of goodies and the thing i treasure most about that bag (aside from being loved & cared for that much!) was being given a five-star, spiral-bound, blue, plastic-covered notebook. i wrote and i wrote and i wrote and i wrote and i am writing still.

writing is one of my "holy callings" (something Elizabeth speaks of). writing is one way that i pray. each word is an offering. writing is where i name my truth, where i come home to me and remember that i am a life-affirming, lit up, spirited, color-full, peace-full, generous, brave, pure, joy-full, healing, truth-full, loving being. always i come to this when i write, my essence.

beyond today's open door are some words offered up by the lovely Elizabeth Gilbert today on Oprah. i didn't catch all of the words. here's what i caught:

"Fill up your own self in your own skin...that becomes your offering...that alone is enough...be an example of how to live a...blessed life."

al-le-lu-ia!

love to the sisters

right now two of my beloved women friends/sisters, are in the hospital. one is in labor with her first child, just blocks from where i live. another, just a few hours away, is preparing for surgery, scheduled to begin in minutes, and i know that she's been feeling scared and anxious. so, to them, i am sending my love. my wild, crazy, soulsister, ecstatic, healing, peace-full, color-full, soft love. would you send them some of your love, too?
this morning's glimmer is this visual treat! and, bella dear, lover of the lambies, wherever, everywhere you are, this one's for you. i love you, babe.