"the opportunity to add to [the Universe's] glow"

"The Universe is immense and gorgeous and magnificent. I salute it. Every speck, every little fly on the window salutes the Universe. Every leaf has meaning. I think the Universe is expanding - it is experiencing and accomplishing. And we have the opportunity to add to its glow. Everybody can love, in the place where they are. In the physical body in which [we] are. In the life in which [we] are involved. We can all add our share of love..."

- Helen Nearing

sacred life june summer sunday

for this i offer this:

"Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth. / Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself. / Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here... / Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you."

~ Nancy Wood, from Many Winters

and this:

"Tangerines are hanging heavy, glowing marigolden hues / Teasing a half pale moon / And I feel a pull to the blue-velvet dark and stars...

Together we glide through the blue-velvet dark and stars...

All it takes is a little faith, and a lot of heart / Sweetheart."

~ "Stars" by The Weepies

wishing you a day of holding - especially holding on to what you must do, glowing, gliding, faith & heart.

definitely committed

a beloved sent me these words o' Goethe a decade ago and i am living them and held up by them as i take a gigantic leap in my life. i am tapping into my genius - so bold i am being. i am committed. definitely committed. i welcome, embrace and give thanks for Providence's movements.

"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans; that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which no one could have dreamed would have come [her] way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now." ~ Goethe

this february weekend

a quiet winter's night in my nest on friday. hibernating & hiding from the wind. writing. reading Journal of a Solitude by May Sarton. baking cookies. listening to a recent The Spirit of Things podcast, "Fire and Light", about bushfires (the Victorian bushfires & the Canberra bushfires).
*
early to bed on friday night, early to rise on saturday morning. while sunlight spread i listened to my bird friends chirp. i heart their chirping. later i find these words by Terry Tempest Williams here:
"I pray to the birds.
I pray to the birds because I believe they will carry messages of my heart upward.
I pray to them because I believe in their existence,
the way their songs begin and end each day - the invocations and benedictions of earth.
I pray to the birds because they remind me of what I love rather than what I fear.
And at the end of my prayers,
they teach me how to listen."
*
remembering where i was at this time last year. a year ago i arrived in heart shaped Africa with my momma. my heart cracked open even wider, as vast as the ocean we crossed, allowing for more light & more healing & more love & more grace & more understanding to rush in. this voyage continues...
*
a nourishing bodywork appointment on saturday afternoon followed by a divine phone consultation with a healer.
*
connecting with my Squam Arts Workshops roomie via e-mail. she recognized me when i posted a message on the message board & she sent me an e-mail. i wrote her back & then she wrote me back again &...well, you get the picture. i think there's going to be a lot of sweet conversation between the two of us as we prepare for this journey together. i am giddy!
*
sunday so far has looked like this: waking. a bit of yoga. cleaning up my nest. to the gym. to the grocery store. into the shower. eating. checking in with bloggie beauties. collaging. preparing for a delicious evening/night with my parents & dear family friends - dinner and the Oscars.
*
i do hope your weekend was/is cozy & creative & shared with beloved ones.

going by instinct & being brave

this morning as i prepare for an important meeting (in which i will be sharing my deepest dreams and greatest visions about the kind of work i want to do in the world, the work i am creating) my prayer is that i embody the gentle and certain movement of this water:


"There are no rules you can follow. You have to go by instinct..and you have to be brave."
-from How to Make an American Quilt

the lines around a heart

do you see the heart in the image above?

the lines
around a heart
can be drawn
and
joined
by
cracks,
formed
by
cracks.
true,
yes?

this beauty revealed itself to me while i walked to the gym in the quiet, early morning two sundays ago.

what beauty is revealing itself to you today?

*
today,
like so many,
i am thinking about
Martin Luther King, Jr.
his words.
his courage
in sharing
his dream.
declaring
his dream.
the necessity
of
giving voice
to
his dream,
this dream,
my dream,
our dream.

giving birth,
certainly,
to this:
life.

the one
we are
bit
by
hopeful
and
precious
bit
waking to
and
co-creating
and
living.

what dream are you declaring and sharing?
what dream are you waking to? co-creating? living?

*
"Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it."
-Martin Luther King, Jr.

*
i wish us the vision to see the cracks forming a perfect whole.
i wish us the courage to dream, wake, speak, create and live.
i wish us love's release, harmony and illumination.

every*thing in your favor

i have had many, many, many, many, many...sleep*less nights since bella died. in the past week my sleep has been a wee bit off, including saturday night into sunday morning. after wake*full hours in the dark at s & a's house early sunday morning i was ready to turn on the light & read some. i read & discovered all kinds of goodness, including these words by Rumi, which made me giggle in recognition...recognition of this truth:

"It's rigged - everything in your favor.
So there is nothing to worry about."

isn't this the best news ever?!

oh Rumi, how do you do it? sending perfect & new (& re*newing) words at exactly the right time...

at home in my lil' nest

i've been away from my lil' urban nest for days. i returned a short while ago. i turned on the heat & my twinkle lights & put on some of my favorite holiday tunes, John Denver's Rocky Mountain Christmas. i did all of this before taking off my coat or unpacking a single thing from my bags. my priorities: warmth, color, light & music.

i am filled up with the richness of recent days. family. candlelight. music. movies (this one on dvd and this one at the movie theater). hot cocoa with marshmallows. pie (pumpkin, apple & coconut custard!). a thanksgiving day walk with my momma, our fam's doggie dear and one of bella's dearest friends. the presence of family friends. [just a word about presence...it means so much, your/our presence. always, of course. and, especially, when people's hearts are broken and they are standing (sometimes barely, always bravely) in awe of the depth of the ache they are feeling. as it was for me this thanksgiving, missing bella so much.] snuggling with my momma on the couch and falling asleep while resting my head on her chest. preparing chocolate chip walnut cookie dough to freeze & bake at christmas*time. calling, texting & e-mailing beloved friends to say, "thank you for being. i love you." a haircut. getting a manicure/pedicure with momma. donating here. egg nog with nutmeg sprinkled on top. purchasing two of these. rest. finding these words at church this a.m.: "Someday after the long, dark waiting there will be Light..." hearing the invitation this a.m. at church: "watch. be watchFULL in the waiting."

it is the season of advent. a season i am celebrating. a season all are invited to celebrate as s/he wishes, as s/he is called. advent means: "a coming into place, view, or being; arrival." it is this that i am celebrating: a season of coming into place, view or being; a season honoring arrival & birth. as i begin my celebration of this season i am honoring the dark, the unseen, the waiting & the promise of light.

i love a list

a list of delights & discoveries:
*the birth of Cedar Leonard Kroon!
*Kindred. i heart my new desk*top wallpaper.
*GOOP: nourish the inner aspect by Gwyneth Paltrow. i signed up for the weekly newsletter. divine! example: last thursday mornin' i received a newsletter filled with recipes like these: "Carmelized Brussels Sprouts"; "Cranberry Chutney"; "Roasted Sweet Potatoes with Maple Syrup, Orange and Spices"; and, "Pumpkin Ice Cream Pie with Maple Whipped Cream."
*this JOY + RIDE: issue five.
*Jen Lee and her creation, Solstice: Stories of Light in the Dark.
*sending out an abundance of love*full, light*full, musical & thanks*full notes & packages to beauties in california, washington, maine, massachusetts, ohio & virginia.
*making donations to things i believe in. i am planning to make a donation to this. care to join me? all hearts are being called...
*this wisdom by Henri Nouwen (from his book, The Inner Voice of Love): "Your body needs to be held and to hold, to be touched and to touch. None of these needs is to be despised, denied, or repressed. But you have to keep searching for your body's deeper need, the need for genuine love. Every time you are able to go beyond the body's superficial desires for love, you are bringing your body home and moving toward integration and unity."

Friday Fill-Ins

a fun friday thing i found today on ***sparkletopia*** (a link listed under "Ongoing Creative Projects" on the left side of the page...):



here are my friday fill-ins:

1. a visit to the lake with s & a; a trip to portland, maine; going to t's concert; wearing cozy layers o' clothing; autumn evening walks (taking notice of candles in windows and the scent of burning firewood in the air); eating slices of pumpkin pie; and, drinking cups of hot and delicious beverages (tea, chai and hot cocoa with whipped cream) are some of the things I'm most looking forward to in October.

2. Sometimes I forget to be tender and spacious with me.

3. [nothing is showing up for me here in the way of a response so i will pass on this one...] and that's why there is a saying, "never say never"!

4. When I'm down, I remember that it all shifts/changes; I remind myself to ride this wave as I am; and, I ask, "What am I learning here, in this down?"

5. in a space of gratitude is where you'll find me most often.

6. A rainy day is good for time "in" and "off"...resting in my nest, snuggled under a soft blanket, maybe reading a yummy book or watching a sweet movie.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to a quiet, nourishing and creative night at home/in my little nest; tomorrow my plans include a bit o' work in the a.m. and a tea date at a new spot with t; and, Sunday I want to go to an early a.m. kundalini yoga class (unless my body says, "dear gem, you must rest rather than rise this early a.m...") and enjoy a shopping date with my momma!

and, today's grat*nours:
*a quote found here. "The details make life holy. If you want a little happiness in life don’t forget to look at the little things. It is a poet’s work to see the incidental, pluck it, place an appropriate silence around both sides and see the profound in what passes for a passing moment. It is an artist’s job to as much discover art as create it. Prayer is a way of making the common profound by pausing, tying knots around a moment, turning our life into a string of pearls." -Noah Ben Shea
*a soul*connecting, listening*full, deep & intimate two hour phone conversation with my dearest friend, d, this evening.
*the gift of my co-workers. two of them celebrated birth*days this week. i honor their play*fullness, kind*ness, commitment and wisdom.
*chookooloonks and 3191 a year of evenings. check 'em out!

happy weekend to all and to all a sweet night...

Sacred Life Sunday

today, i am called to participate in this:



find out more about Sacred Life Sunday here.

here is my offering, a collection...

*wISdom

"Somewhere, there is something incredible waiting to be known."
-Carl Sagan

*woRD

talisman. i happened upon this word two times in two different contexts in less than two hours time this a.m. here is a way that i understand/experience this word: something producing magical and miraculous effects.

*worSHIp

waking after a rest*full night sleep. thank*full. a beauty*full 9 a.m. kundalini yoga class.

*wOndEr

holding a little bowl filled with fresh strawberry slices and apple chunks sprinkled with cinnamon. tasting my first meal of the day.

*witNeSsinG

my attachments (e.g., how i want something(s) to unfold); what i am holding onto/trying to control/suffocating (e.g., what will happen an hour from now, tonight, tomorrow, next month...).

*wElcoMiNg

Full Moon in Pisces: Harvest Moon, Monday, September 15, 2008, 5:13 a.m. EDT. read more here.

sprout

this evening after work i went to get a manicure and pedicure in preparation for a very special event this weekend. [the tips of my fingers are sparkling light pink and my toes are gushing deep heart red.] while i sat patiently and obediently, with my hands and feet under dryers, i looked out the window and i experienced myself really seeing what was outside. even more, i experienced myself being a part of it. being a part of the flow of life. connected. grounded. here. alive.

a word came to mind as i walked home to my little nest: sprout. i feel like a little sprout. a sprout even as i grieve a loss unlike any other (bella's death) and as i heal the wounds from all that has come tumbling down in these early decades of my life. i know i will break free (sprout!) from the weight of the concrete and rubble of years and years and years of heartache, loss and sadness.

i've been getting power-full glimpses of this lately. moments when i feel something like hope. something like spring. something like being on the edge of a miracle. something unlike anything (or, at least with a texture unlike anything) i've ever felt. so grateful am i. as i enter this new month. this month of bella's physical death. bella: my great love, my darling babe, my sister, my friend.

i know (intellectually) i will be okay. it is something else entirely to feel that i will be okay, that life and living, that my life and my living will be okay, brilliant, even. it seems, the depth of my grief and brokenness is giving birth to a healing equal in proportion.

before coming here to write tonight i opened up one of my favorite books, The Soul Support Book by Deb Koffman, to a spread with an orange background. at the center of this spread is a panel/series of images of buds. the last panel contains the image of one of these buds bursting open. underneath it all are these words: "Everything happens in its own time." yes, yes. yes, indeed.

treasuring...

*a black & white calla lily "impromptu postcard" from my "lady friends in Maine"
*a fun "4 things about me" e-mail exchange with my soulsister s., my oldest friend (e.g., 4 jobs i have had in my life; 4 movies i would watch over and over; 4 places i've lived; 4 favorite foods); perhaps i will share these bits in another post...
*planning a late june/early july beach reunion with peeps who are family; celebrating nearly 11 years of livin' & knowin' & lovin' one another!
*the dear diary stories, marta writes
*a cup of heaven rooibos tea in my favorite mug, which by the way was found on the sale table at one of my favorite shops
*writing
*The Ganesh Mantra: Om Gam Ganapataye Namah; a mantra known to remove obstacles, inner and outer, along the path. thank you, beautiful t., for sharing this mantra at the perfect/divine time!
*the library
*avocados & grape tomatoes
*chocolate chip + walnut cookie dough
*therapy
*the color yellow; the color of sunshine and ripe bananas
*these words from The Persistence of Yellow by Monique Duval, #317: "Everything melted, rained, unraveled, became, grew wings, attempted flight, flopped, tried again, succeeded. Just another day."
*these words from Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert: "I remember her taking me by the shoulders and looking me in the eye with a calm smile and saying simply, 'Tell the truth, tell the truth, tell the truth'" (p. 94).
*hope
*imagining
*creating
*grace before meals
*learning & practicing living the poem, "The Journey", by Mary Oliver: "One day you finally knew/what you had to do, and began,/though the voices around you/kept shouting/their bad advice-/though the whole house/began to tremble/and you felt the old tug/at your ankles./'Mend my life!'/each voice cried./But you didn't stop./You knew what you had to do,/though the wind pried/with its stiff fingers/at the very foundations,/though their melancholy/was terrible./It was already late/enough, and a wild night,/and the road full of fallen/branches and stones./But little by little,/as you left their voices behind,/the stars began to burn/through the sheets of clouds,/and there was a new voice/which you slowly/recognized as your own,/that kept you company/as you strode deeper and deeper/into the world,/determined to do/the only thing you could do-/determined to save/the only life you could save."

what are you treasuring?

dialogue

the other night i asked: "what is bella's message for me right now?"

the card responded: "Play and laughter are the greatest healers."

then i asked: "what do i need to know right now?"

one card said: "Peace comes to you if you stop craving..."

another card said: "Everything in nature has its special healing powers. Discover your own..."

[card responses from The Wisdom of Elves and Fairies cards by Gayan Sylvie Winter]

exactly

from Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert:

"I look at the Augusteum, and I think that perhaps my life has not actually been so chaotic, after all. It is merely this world that is chaotic, bringing changes to us all that nobody could have anticipated. The Augusteum warns me not to get attached to any obsolete ideas about who I am, what I represent, whom I belong to, or what function I may once have intended to serve. Yesterday I might have been a glorious monument to somebody, true enough--but tomorrow I could be a fireworks depository. Even in the Eternal City, says the silent Augusteum, one must always be prepared for riotous and endless waves of transformation" (p. 75).

the three b's

the message attached to this morning's yogi tea bag:

"I am beautiful.
I am bountiful.
I am blissful."

you are beautiful.
you are bountiful.
you are blissful.

today's notes

some of the notes i took today:

*spring cleaning
*spending time here
*horses
*elephants
*sisters
*laundry
*how will i treat myself this weekend?
*blooming
*releasing
*emerging
*walking
*grounding
*stretching
*focusing
*planning
*discipline
*community
*connecting with, listening to & following my heart
*leap
*grateful for "a love note to you" posted here
*living out
*living out loud
*living in light
*living in my body
*living in my breath
*living in my beauty
*living in my heart
*yearning to create
*writing a petition to god (inspired by Elizabeth Gilbert; see pages 32-33, bead 9)
*living in joy
*living in connection
*living spring
*grateful for the open window in my office, beside my desk; the plant that sits in front of this open window; and, the view.
*what other windows am i opening this spring?
*simplicity
*"live to the point of tears." -camus
*wonder
*sprinkles of laughter
*yes
*cupcake power here

what notes are you taking today?

wholly holy

"Sometimes when we quest for a hidden spiritual truth, we miss what's right in front of us. Fumbling blindly for the mystical, we miss what is holy within the mundane event of walking down a city street."
-Ethan Nichtern, from One City: A Declaration of Interdependence

what's the wholly holy that's in front of you, in your mundane?

taking this moment to heart

i am honoring...

*the silence. the pause. the space.
*his message to me: "Dear One, You're doing the best you can. Isn't that enough? What's to be, will be. Thank you for all your effort and care. Love, J."
*the music.
*my feelings, my intuition, my truth, my wisdom...my heart.
*my response to this question: what do i want/need/hope for in this moment?
*my relationships. the presence of love, light & beauty in my life...sweet, simple, pleasure-full.
*my location on my path of healing.
*my string of beads.

"My prayer beads are strung on my life span.
I am not allowed to skip a single bead:
Sometimes the bead is a seed. Or a bone...
Or pure light...
No matter what the next bead is,
I must count it,
Perform my daily austerities.
Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
Until repetition becomes endurance.

People seldom understand the power of repetition. What is repeated over and over again can become enduring; what is done in a moment is seldom lasting. If farmers do not tend to their fields every day, they cannot expect a harvest. The same is true of spiritual practice. It is not a grand declaration or the colorful initiation that means anything. It is the ongoing, daily living of a spiritual life that has meaning. Our progress may range from dull to spectacular, but we must accept both. Each and every day...linked together, strung into a long line of prayer beads.

In life, you don't know how many beads you've counted already, and you don't know how many are yet to come. All that matters is fingering the one that comes to you now and taking the spiritual significance of that moment to heart."

-Deng Ming-Dao

love is my name

here's to a day(s) lived with love. with all things, being & doing, rooted in love. love: my/our true home, temple, sanctuary...

"To say that I am made in the image of God [Goddess/Light/Spirit...]
is to say that love is the reason
for my existence, for God [Goddess/Light/Spirit...] is love.
Love is my true identity...
Love is my true character.
Love is my name."
-Thomas Merton