i heart...

what is this arrow pointing to? what do you heart?

today, i heart:

• walking through my new england geography, knowing how very lucky i am to live where i live and how grateful i am to have leapt north.
• adorning my room with clear twinkle lights.
• oatmeal with brown sugar, raisins, shredded coconut, walnuts, nutmeg and almond milk.
• I Like You.
• wearing my "Loved In All Things" necklace by Jan.

SAW reflections

i heard about Squam Art Workshops (SAW) for the first time leading up to the inaugural gathering in september 2008. i sensed SAW would be something that i would want to be a part of in the future - the near, touchable, tastable future.

after hearing about attendees' experiences at that first SAW happening i knew for sure i wanted to be there in september 2009. i felt my heart leaning, stretching, leaping towards this. and, this reaching for me, wanting me, inviting me. yes, yes, yes.

attending art camp. in the woods. surrounded by familiar beauties - some known, some soon to be known (and, once seen - oh so familiar they were/are). all of us, turning towards the shimmering light, the brave rising and the sweetest soaring.

september SAW was on my list for 2009. it was to be. no question. it simply would be. it was the future i was living into. a passage, a healing, a baptism, a renewal and a leap.

from the time of that first knowing, through registering and to arrival: i experienced the deepest darkness before the dawn (connected to the physical death of my sister/babe, bella, and my great grief journey); i honored the new ground i was standing on (claiming my new way of being in the world and in relationship with bella - our awake and alive relationship) through baptism - getting my nose pierced; and, i listened to my heart, followed spirit's guidance and chose an adventure - leaping north, to new england, creating new life and new work.

september SAW 2009 intersected with grounding in my new geography and contained all of the elements of my journey to arriving there: passage, healing, baptism, renewal and leaping.

passage: making the journey further north and back with this radiant being and my creative neighbor, Katrina (also one of my "fire*side beauties" - more on them later...); witnessing when i was feeling overwhelmed, self-conscious, afraid, stuck and on the edge of shutting down and giving myself the space to have my whole experience - being even bigger than i've ever known myself to be; and, bravely and boldly speaking my truths.

healing: embracing a large circle of women who, by simply being, have been an important part of my healing and living journey these years. jen gray, Christine Mason Miller, Susannah, Denise, Schmoopy, dar, Kirsten, Liz, Thea, Jeanine and Elizabeth - i bow to you, you have kept me warm and inspired. along the dirt path, at the table and around many fires, i welcomed a creative community of women with whom i am continuing to journey. these are my "fire*side beauties" (many of them are listed/linked on the left side of this page): danielle marie - a rock star; ab - a blossom; Lauren - a sassy sister; Jen Lee - a pioneer; jenna - a guide; Helen - a love; Vivienne - a warrior goddess; Heather - a treasure chest; and, Katrina - a lighthouse.

baptism: claiming and naming the ritual, healing and creative arts practice i am building and the creative community i have longed for and found.

renewal: time by the bonfire, beside the lake, under the stars, in the rocking chair and underneath layers and layers and layers of blankets. a kick*ass art-in-nature class led by Christopher Frost - all day, outdoors (my true, true home). refreshing my writing practice in a class led by the delicious Jen Lee. and, "Breathing Space."

leaping: a vow to cultivate play, vitality and being big and a request for my creative community's support in this.

i am - soaring on...

going to art camp!

by this time tomorrow i will have arrived at SAW/Squam Art Workshops.

a journey a year + in the making...

i know this experience will be a heart-opening, wing-widening, soul-lifting & home-coming good time.

i will return here when i return.

may your days & nights be filled with color, ease, magic & love, love, love.

xo,

gem

off... from goose42 on Vimeo.

pieces of these six years

bella's graduation from high school.
the death of my maternal grandmother. intimately bearing witness to the process of dying.
journeys to california, montana, idaho, virginia, dc, new york, connecticut, maryland, maine, new jersey, ohio, massachusetts & africa.
attending, participating in & creating wedding/commitment ceremonies.
celebrating the births of friends' children.
taking bella to college.
moving my parents' home two times.
moving my own home three times. living in a little blue house & a soul nest.
being brave, finding & reaching out to c. someone who was an important part of my life & family when i was a wee one. someone i have not seen since i was 9 years old.
reconnecting with a dear friend from college.
healing, recreating & celebrating relationships with family.
two foot injuries & the healing of these injuries.
learning much & clarifying much about relationship/partnership in the process of dating three men (not at the same time - hee-hee!).
bella's physical death.
receiving healing from a.b. & b.k.
creating heart to heart connections with philly peeps: l.l., m.s., m.w., n.b., p.e. & t.h.
supporting the development of a non-profit - serving as volunteer coordinator, then director of volunteer programs & finally director of program development.
being supported by the funny & often hysterical, smart & wise, generous & lovely people with whom i worked all these years.
creating droplets of devotion.
becoming a reiki master level practitioner.
becoming an ordained interfaith.
becoming a mercy associate.
experiencing renewal & baptism (into this life - my life - as it is now).
leading seasonal ceremonies - winter solstice, spring equinox & summer solstice.
listening to my heart...

dear city

dear city - city of LOVE,

i chose you nearly six years ago. much to my surprise.

it was the right choice. i found a home here. for this i am most grateful.

i remember all those days these last six years whispering to you, "i love it here."

this, too, is right - leaving you now & leaping north to a new adventure, new home, new work, unknowns, learnings, old & new beloveds.

i am ready. i am so very ready.

you have taken such good care of me.

providing shelter in that little blue house with my little blue house roomie (who will always be my "roomie" - wherever i go) & in a nest of my own.

offering sweet & nourishing spots.

indoors - a chocolate cafe; favorite indian, sushi, middle eastern, japanese & vegan restaurants; the pizza joint with my favorite pizza; the library; movie theaters; cafes & coffee/tea shops, where i wrote, read & shared tea dates; candlelit spaces to listen to live music; places to study spirituality & energy work; yoga studios; the gym; and, places to worship.

outdoors - green squares; spots by your rivers; restaurants with outdoor seating; your city streets - i walked & walked & walked...

thank you for my work. mostly, for the collection of beings with whom i worked - they have been family.

thank you for the proximity to family to journey & heal with.

thank you for offering an endless string of life*saving beings who listened, taught, helped, healed, inspired & loved me.

thank you for the whole of these six years. choosing you six years ago makes perfect sense now as i see the whole of my time here...

xo,
gem

this weekend: a string o' gratitude

a string o' inspiration on my wall

* new bathroom towels & cloths - hot pink, blue & white * a clean nest * jelly beans * wide open windows * wearing a fleece & leaving my hat, scarf & gloves at home * a 24 hour visit with a friend, dh, from college: talking at my "kitchen" table (this table is also the space where i do quite a bit of writing & art making); lunch at a new favorite restaurant; walking around the city; sitting in the park; people watching; delighting in the endless flow of reconnecting conversation; laughter; playing cards; vegetarian chinese for dinner; a sweet Lucy Kaplansky concert - i was touched by her spoken & sung words; preparing for a restful sleep in my twinkle lit nest; waking before dh, reading in my bed & appreciating the presence & the life & the breath of another; and, saying "goodbye" & "see you in june" with a thankful embrace * listening to Hallelujah & Let It Be * three loads of laundry laundered (involving 6 trips up & down 5 flights of stairs!) * a sunday afternoon & evening & night to treasure *

"In today's sharp sparkle..."

Obama 2009 Inaugural Poem: "Praise Song for the Day" by Elizabeth Alexander



Praise song for the day.

Each day we go about our business, walking past each other, catching each others’ eyes or not, about to speak or speaking. All about us is noise. All about us is noise and bramble, thorn and din, each one of our ancestors on our tongues. Someone is stitching up a hem, darning a hole in a uniform, patching a tire, repairing the things in need of repair.

Someone is trying to make music somewhere with a pair of wooden spoons on an oil drum with cello, boom box, harmonica, voice.

A woman and her son wait for the bus.

A farmer considers the changing sky; A teacher says, “Take out your pencils. Begin.”

We encounter each other in words, Words spiny or smooth, whispered or declaimed; Words to consider, reconsider.

We cross dirt roads and highways that mark the will of someone and then others who said, “I need to see what’s on the other side; I know there’s something better down the road.”

We need to find a place where we are safe; We walk into that which we cannot yet see.

Say it plain, that many have died for this day. Sing the names of the dead who brought us here, who laid the train tracks, raised the bridges, picked the cotton and the lettuce, built brick by brick the glittering edifices they would then keep clean and work inside of.

Praise song for struggle; praise song for the day. Praise song for every hand-lettered sign; The figuring it out at kitchen tables.

Some live by “Love thy neighbor as thy self.”

Others by "first do no harm," or "take no more than you need."

What if the mightiest word is love, love beyond marital, filial, national. Love that casts a widening pool of light. Love with no need to preempt grievance.

In today’s sharp sparkle, this winter air, anything can be made, any sentence begun.

On the brink, on the brim, on the cusp -- praise song for walking forward in that light.

the lines around a heart

do you see the heart in the image above?

the lines
around a heart
can be drawn
and
joined
by
cracks,
formed
by
cracks.
true,
yes?

this beauty revealed itself to me while i walked to the gym in the quiet, early morning two sundays ago.

what beauty is revealing itself to you today?

*
today,
like so many,
i am thinking about
Martin Luther King, Jr.
his words.
his courage
in sharing
his dream.
declaring
his dream.
the necessity
of
giving voice
to
his dream,
this dream,
my dream,
our dream.

giving birth,
certainly,
to this:
life.

the one
we are
bit
by
hopeful
and
precious
bit
waking to
and
co-creating
and
living.

what dream are you declaring and sharing?
what dream are you waking to? co-creating? living?

*
"Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it."
-Martin Luther King, Jr.

*
i wish us the vision to see the cracks forming a perfect whole.
i wish us the courage to dream, wake, speak, create and live.
i wish us love's release, harmony and illumination.

thank you & the winner of the gem parcel

dear beauties,

thank you & you & you & you & Ann & on & on & on...for your generous love offerings in response to my request & in response to your knowing about today & this date & my heartache. all of it makes such a difference. thank you, thank you, thank you.

xo,
gem

**
now for the winner of the first gem parcel of 2009: the divine Kirsten Michelle!

here is how i chose the winner...i wrote each name on a slip of paper and drew a heart next to each name. i folded up each slip of paper. i put all of these slips of paper in my very special "Tribe" hat. i stood in the center of my nest and shook and shook and shook this hat. i waited for the right moment to choose a name while the slips of paper danced in my hat. [the dancin' was fun and went on for quite some time.] then i discovered how the chosen name would be chosen! the first slip of paper to dance out of the hat would be the winner. and, so it is. you, dear Kirsten.

thank you all for playing and for sharing your hopes/words/intentions for 2009. i look forward to the next gem parcel give*away!

giving thanks

i am thanksFULL for:
*my family.
*my work.
*my co-workers.
*my nest.
*the view from my nest. looking out into the dark evening/night and seeing buildings with windows and rooms filled with light. light in the dark. makes me think of this post by Jen Lee.
*friday's snowflakes.
*my tribe.
*phone conversations.
*plans.
*lists.
*art making.
*healing.
*kundalini yoga.
*prayer.
*possibility.
*tea.
*weekly tea dates with t.
*candlelight.
*twinklelight.
*movies.
*photos.
*two voice mail messages from bella saved on my phone. i know both of these messages by heart.
*this year's journey to heart-shaped Africa.
*my spiritual director.
*bodywork.
*books.
*baking.
*the election of Barack Obama as the next President of the United States.
*scarves.
*music.
*dancing.
*the opportunity to practice mindFULLness while washing dishes.
*inspiration.
*birth.
*resurrection.
*renewal.
*loving & connecting text & pix messages.
*mail.
*handwritten notes.
*journaling.
*attending & completing seminary & being ordained an interfaith minister.
*reiki.
*farmers markets.
*wild horses.
*my hometown.
*the gift of walking.
*hugs.
*forgiveness. in particular, self-forgiveness.
*polka dots.
*seasons.
*doggie dears.
*meditation.
*my rosary beads & my mala beads.
*trees.
*color.
*hardwood floors.
*pajamas.
*blankets.
*honoring myself, my whole self.

heavenly days

Boho Girl introduced me to the song "Heavenly Day" by Patty Griffin via this post. i needed to share this song with you. enjoy this:



i am blessed to be a part of creating & participating in an abundance of heavenly days in this love*full life. my days this weekend with my beloved friends, s & a, were heavenly days...

tonight as i sat down to eat a big yellow mug full of leftover (from the weekend at the lake) lentil soup i said this prayer of thanks, one of today's grat*nours:

Now may every living thing, young or old, weak or strong, living near or far, known or unknown, living or departed or yet unborn, may every living thing be full of bliss.
-The Buddha

may you be full of bliss...heavenly days & dreamy nights.

can you imagine that?

this blessing by Guru Singh touches me. it begins with: "We cannot control the wind..."

and, deeply moving is a song entitled, "I Am", sung by Guru Singh & Seal & Friends. i heard it (again) in my morning yoga class. tears formed. i came home and purchased this song on iTunes. here are pieces of the lyrics: "i am who i am and that is that...i am who i am and thank god i am...i am who you are; look at that. you are who i am; can you imagine that?...joy to the world, peace on the earth. god bless the children, how we love them..."

yes, yes, yes! bless you, bless me, bless the joy, bless the world, bless the peace, bless the earth and bless, bless, bless the children...

sprout

this evening after work i went to get a manicure and pedicure in preparation for a very special event this weekend. [the tips of my fingers are sparkling light pink and my toes are gushing deep heart red.] while i sat patiently and obediently, with my hands and feet under dryers, i looked out the window and i experienced myself really seeing what was outside. even more, i experienced myself being a part of it. being a part of the flow of life. connected. grounded. here. alive.

a word came to mind as i walked home to my little nest: sprout. i feel like a little sprout. a sprout even as i grieve a loss unlike any other (bella's death) and as i heal the wounds from all that has come tumbling down in these early decades of my life. i know i will break free (sprout!) from the weight of the concrete and rubble of years and years and years of heartache, loss and sadness.

i've been getting power-full glimpses of this lately. moments when i feel something like hope. something like spring. something like being on the edge of a miracle. something unlike anything (or, at least with a texture unlike anything) i've ever felt. so grateful am i. as i enter this new month. this month of bella's physical death. bella: my great love, my darling babe, my sister, my friend.

i know (intellectually) i will be okay. it is something else entirely to feel that i will be okay, that life and living, that my life and my living will be okay, brilliant, even. it seems, the depth of my grief and brokenness is giving birth to a healing equal in proportion.

before coming here to write tonight i opened up one of my favorite books, The Soul Support Book by Deb Koffman, to a spread with an orange background. at the center of this spread is a panel/series of images of buds. the last panel contains the image of one of these buds bursting open. underneath it all are these words: "Everything happens in its own time." yes, yes. yes, indeed.

fire & glass

after little sleep i woke to the sound of a fire alarm in a neighboring building at 5 a.m. then the sound of smashing of glass. a "minor" fire, the newspaper reported.

a fire alarm and smashing glass.
it was that kind of day.

gentler (nevertheless alarming) wake ups:
*on the way to my 9 a.m. appointment delight-fully noticing relatively fresh, colorful, chalked images on the sidewalk made by little hands.
*in response to my thought, "oh spring, where are you?", i looked up and saw a planter full of daffodils on this cloudy & a bit chilly (again) day. no, i do not live in seattle; although, we are beginning to think this in this city of ours.
*feeling bella grab my hand while walking down 20th street. she said, "i'm here. i'm right here...you are not alone. you are so not alone. i'm not going anywhere." i replied with tears welling up (as they are now), "i know, babe. i know." we walked like this, hand-in-hand, for a block or two.
*walking into a store at the end of my work day, turning a corner and finding j. standing there; he was saying my name. j. is the man with whom i abruptly ended an out-of-alignment relationship in march 2006. this ending was one of a series of sudden events preceding bella's death. i haven't seen him (intentionally) since august 2006. instantly i was struck by how i felt like i was facing the past while facing him. he was familiar and somehow blurry; there seemed to be this haze covering him. i stood facing him (sturdy on both my feet and crystal clear) and i realized that i was not in the past. i wasn't living there. i faced how much, how very, very much i have grown and healed. i am here. many, many moons later. i thank the spirits.

packin' up

to heart-shaped Africa i am going. we (me & my momma) fly on friday early evening. to the land from which my dear bella's spirit rose to twirl & tango with the moon & the stars...to be of service in new ways.

here i go. it feels like i am "returning" to a land that has been calling out to me forever & ever. since the beginning & before the beginning. returning...even though i have never been to Africa in my physical body in this lifetime.

one of the gazillions of squealing-with-delight delights: taking bella's stuffed animal love that my momma, big bro & i purchased in july 1985, weeks before bella's birth. bella took her stuffed precious moments lamb love with her everywhere. everywhere except Africa. she left him for us. this lamb love is taking flight with us, too. and, no, no, no he will not be "checked."

bless you and all of your pilgrim voyages, internal & external, in the moments, hours, mornings, nights, days and weeks to come.

my day

here's what my today looked/looks like:
*waking up to the sound of the alarm at 8:00 a.m. after 9 hours of sleep, rich with dreams. hitting snooze. staying in bed until 8:30 a.m.
*cleaning up some. eating a bit of cereal.
*leaving my nest at 9:20 a.m. for a 9:45 a.m. yoga class.
*a full (of peeps, whose new year's resolutions seem to include: "attend saturday morning yoga class"...he-he-he!) & gently strengthening yoga class led by a sweet being (during class i thought, "i want to be her friend.").
*chatting briefly with my momma (via cell) during my walk home.
*eating a bit of yogurt with a sprinkle of granola.
*showering.
*putting on one of bella's sweaters.
*chatting briefly, again, with my momma.
*walking to meet up with my dear friend, t., who was away in colorado for the holidays. so grateful for her healing & refreshing journey & her safe return.
*seeing some other beloved souls i know when i arrived at the spot where i was meeting t. sharing hugs & "happy new year!"
*accompanying t. to purchase a most fabulous hat!
*a tasty & made-with-love lunch with t. at an indian restaurant. this was my first time to this restaurant. i will be returning!
*rooibos vanilla tea with t. at a new (new to me) coffee/tea spot. i love discovering new places/spaces in my city!
*hours of heart-warming & inspiring & healing conversation with t.
*my body walked home while my spirit skipped!
*checking e-mail & checkin' in with my bloggie lights (my "daily dose" links) and some other peeps.
*sipping ginger tea.
*writing, visioning: the kind of business/practice i am called to create; the name of the business/practice i am creating; business card, logo & web page ideas...
*completing a collage.
*beginning a new collage.
*finding my way here...

and, you? what does your day look like? i hope it was/is filled with magical encounters, nourishing adventures & hope-full discoveries...

honoring

it is friday night. my delicious holiday break, time away from my work, began at 1 pm today. i exhale into the abundant space. i will reside in this cozy nest of warmth & twinkle-light & merrymaking for days & days. i am so grateful.

open door:
grateful, i think of the words below, which i heard for the first time nearly 10 years ago. a Blackle search indicates these words are from Ted Loder, contained in his book, Guerrillas of Grace. here's an excerpt:

"...out of the thoughts and feelings which whirl within,
I grope for language to carry to you my secrets
and all the wonders that seize my heart.
Praise be to you
for holding me in the womb of mystery
through all the eons of creation until now
and raising me to life
in this time and place.

I am so thankful to be alive—
breathing, moving, sensing,
wide-eyed, cock-eared alive—
in this mysterious instant,
at this luminous time,
on this nurturing earth,
this blue pearl of great price
whirling through uncharted space,
attended by vigilant stars;
during these days of chance and battle,
with streaks of hope and holiness on the horizon,
touched by nature’s pleading beauty
and friendship’s steady hold.

I am so thankful to be alive—
eyes in love with seeing,
ears in love with hearing,
heart in love with attending,
mind in love with connecting;
eager to miss no message of grace
in the ballet of beauty
or in the cramp of struggle
of this incredible gift of life;
attentive to all the clues of love,
daringly and outlandishly
scattered for me through Jesus’s life,
overturning habit and hate;
attentive to the dreams he renews,
the wounds he heals,
the promises he nails up
for me to step out on.

I am so thankful to be alive,
thankful for those times
when the rhythms of my life
catch the cadences of your kingdom,
when there is a lightening in me
for a moment,
when the creep of courage
allows me to dare to serve the gifts
you have put in me;
thankful for the neighbors you have put besides me,
and the possibilities you have put before me;
thankful for the surge of determination to accept difficulty
not as an excuse for passivity,
but as a goad to creativity,
as the door to abundant life,
and the seed of a peace the world cannot take away,
as it takes away so much else.

I am so thankful to be alive...
hold me always in the womb of mystery
and raise me again and again, forever,
to life,
and to love..."

such jewels in these words. what are the wonders seizing your heart? do you feel held in the womb of mystery? do you find this time luminous? do you see the streaks of hope & holiness on the horizon? what are the messages of grace you are receiving? do you feel the lightening? i wonder, dear wonders...

currently i am honoring this holy season in these ways:
*making a donation in bella's name to support the creation of a student circus at an elementary school in northern virgina. i know the ringmaster; she is a teacher at the school and a magical friend.
*drinking cups of hot cocoa with whipped cream & decaf earl grey tea with a smidge of sugar & soy milk.
*making cookies to share with family & friends. classic spritz cookies made with a cookie press in the shapes of hearts & trees, colored & sprinkled; peanut butter cookies; coconut thumb print cookies; chocolate walnut cookies; and, raisin walnut cookies.
*getting a manicure & pedicure. my toes were painted glittery red! so festive. i will have to show everyone my toes at every holiday gathering. he-he.
*allowing space for my experience & my grief. letting myself cry & cry more when i need to.
*participating in two winter solstice events. one at a friend's home tonight and another at a local unitarian church tomorrow night.
*gathering at my parents' home on sunday evening for a celebration with bella's beloved hometown peeps & her dynamite roomie from college.
*welcoming an angel guest for a visit to my city for a few days after christmas.
*attending christmas eve mass.
*donating blood this early morning.
*listening to Wintersong.

weekend

this weekend while visiting with my lovelies, sa & am...

i ate yummy thai food, pad ginger with chicken. i watched the last half of Never Been Kissed with sa after am went to sleep. i went to bed early and read a good book before sleep. i woke early and sipped tea; sa & am drank coffee. sa made us a late-ish morning breakfast (eggs, bacon, fried potatoes & toast). we found the perfect virginia christmas tree at edmond's in 50+ degree weather. we hung garland and pearl lights outside. we ate dinner at my favorite mexican restaurant on saturday night; we all got carded. we decorated the christmas tree. we celebrated our "christmas morning" on saturday night. we visited with sa & am's neighbors. we lit candles and incense. we listened to christmas music; several renditions of "O Holy Night", my favorite! we laughed a lot. i spoke the truth about what's hurting these days. i cried some. we created our own new moon ritual and created intentions. i created five intentions, which included these words: partnership, at home, alive, awake, grounding, rooting, fully inhabiting, living in alignment, joy-full and true expression. sa & am gave me a special gift for the long journey i'm making in 2+ months. i cuddled with their doggie dear & one of their kitties. and, we scheduled a date for our next visit!

it's all one big open door!

inbox

i have 157 e-mails in my personal e-mail inbox. an improvement over the 300+ that were in there just weeks ago, where they resided for about 17 months.
4 of them are dated before may 20, 2006, in the days before bella's death.
23 of them are dated after may 30, 2006, the day of bella's celebration of life service.
130 are still sittin' in the inbox, dated between may 20, 2006-may 29, 2006, nearly 18 months ago.

i write this and what i feel is awe and gratitude. in awe of the magnitude of bella, my/our bella love and bella's continued impact in this earthly realm. in gratitude for our continued & deepening relationship and sisterhood. this bella-love is my greatest glimmer. i purchased this pendant in honor of our relationship now (and, in honor of the presence of elephants in my life journey). i often feel bella pressed against my forehead/third eye in this way.

morsels

*today i am remembering how i felt during my visit with c & her dear ones in portland, maine. i remember not as a way to hold on or attach myself to some other moment or time; i remember as a way, simply & powerfully, to honor the essence of my being: open-hearted, peace-full, calm, grounded, delighted, grateful, mindful & in awe. what is the essence of your being?
*this evening after a satisfying day at work i came home and made some delicious pumpkin muffins. i love pumpkin & i am happy, happy that it is pumpkin season! my little nest & my heart are warm from the oven and infused with the scent of pumpkin. what scent would you like your home & heart spaces to be infused with?
*this afternoon while looking at a photo of a newborn girl (my godmother's newest grandchild...especially delightful as she is the mother of all boys and until yesterday was the grandmother of all boys!), i felt an ache. i hadn't felt this particular ache before. sometimes (sometimes the "sometimes" is "often") when i encounter children (from newborns to teens) and young adults, i am reminded of bella. while looking at this babe, my heart ached and longed and remembered. i remembered bella's human body at the beginning & in the same moment i remembered bella's human body at the end & i remembered everything in between. all in a moment.
*exploring this site. hearing & feeling the call to cleanse and detox.
*cleaning my desk & office space. de-cluttering.
*this great quote sent to me by my beloved friend, k:
"My beloved child, break your heart no longer.
Each time you judge yourself, you break your own heart.
You stop feeding on the love which is the wellspring of your vitality.
The time has come. Your time. To celebrate. And to see the goodness that you are.
You my child, are divine. You are pure. You are sublimely free.
You are God in disguise. And you are always perfectly safe.
Do not fight the dark. Just turn on the light.
Let go, And breathe into the goodness that you are."
-Swami Kripalvanandji (Bapuji)
*dancing to this song this a.m. i have been profoundly inspired by Kris Carr, who dances to at least one song per day. this is now an integral part of my daily routine! what are your favorite songs to dance to?
*receiving this poem via "Letters from an Open Heart 10-17-07" at the perfect, perfect time:

Long Afternoon at the Edge of Sister Pond
by Mary Oliver

As for life,
I'm humbled,
I'm without words
sufficient to say

how it has been hard as flint,
and soft as a spring pond,
both of these
and over and over,

and long pale afternoons besides,
and so many mysteries
beautiful as eggs in a nest,
still unhatched

though warm and watched over
by something I have never seen -
a tree angel, perhaps,
or a ghost of holiness.

Every day I walk out into the world
to be dazzled, then to be reflective.
It suffices, it is all comfort -
along with human love,

dog love, water love, little-serpent love,
sunburst love, or love for that smallest of birds
flying among the scarlet flowers.
There is hardly time to think about

stopping, and lying down at last
to the long afterlife, to the tenderness
yet to come, when
time will brim over the singular pond, and become forever,

and we will pretend to melt away into the leaves.
As for death
I can't wait to be the hummingbird,
can you?

what are your morsels?